What’s scaring the shit out of wingnuts now that everyone’s bored of Terror?
I know that they all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys.
It’s called “Mass Effect” and it allows its players – universally male no doubt – to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived.
Apart from, you know, real sex acts. Still, pretty scary!
January 17, 2008 at 1:19 am
Aaargh this crap drives me up the wall.
By that of course I mean the game itself which is making me play SO MANY HOURS to get to this supposed bestiality.
January 17, 2008 at 4:30 am
YaY!! you’re back!!
January 17, 2008 at 5:03 am
theeditors?
January 17, 2008 at 5:07 am
I am skeered. what happen if lesbian play game?!?!
January 17, 2008 at 5:22 am
The fellas at Penny Arcade performed a gamer smack down (I think the term they use is “pwnage”) of this drivel.
el oh el
January 17, 2008 at 5:53 am
Were you incarcerated somewhere?
January 17, 2008 at 5:57 am
[...] influencing the decisions of record companies, directors, and TV networks. Join Hey Nielsen! Ass Effect saved by 1 others michaelpickett2 bookmarked on 01/17/08 | [...]
January 17, 2008 at 7:27 am
Major props for linking to Zero Punctuation. Easily the funniest must-see weekly feature on the intarwebs, at least for anyone even peripherally connected with gaming.
January 17, 2008 at 8:12 am
Where the HELL have you been, young man?
January 17, 2008 at 8:27 am
“It’s called “Mass Effect” and it allows its players – universally male no doubt – to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived.”
OK, I’m an Xbox looser and I have actually played this game, and witnessed these “most realistic sex acts ever conceived.”
Apparently this butthead has never seen an R-Rated movie. Or maybe PG-13. Because that’s about how explicit the cutscene of hot monkey love is. You do get to see a digitially-rendered soft-focus butt tho! zomg!
Still, his point is well taken. We can expect to see grade schoolers lining up to buy “Madden Bestiality Hero ’08″ any day now.
January 17, 2008 at 8:37 am
I’m playing as a female captain and got a near-lap dance within 45 minutes. It wasn’t much, but I kind of would welcome some brutal, radical Islamist dictator in this country right about now.
January 17, 2008 at 8:45 am
And as for our limey auctioneer reviewer, you can use subtitles and read the dialogue and skip. After all, they’re trying to create their own universe instead of using 30-year-old George Lucas conventions.
January 17, 2008 at 8:49 am
After many weeks of fruitlessly typing your URL into the browser… I’m glad you’re back.
January 17, 2008 at 8:52 am
where the fuck are my Kippies?
January 17, 2008 at 8:53 am
theeditors have been missed.
January 17, 2008 at 9:20 am
McCullough’s sublimation of his own sexuality is a sight to behold:
See, what we need is a President with the testicular resources to fuck these fucking fuckers ’til they just don’t know what’s what.
In da butt.
January 17, 2008 at 9:25 am
Actually, you can play as a woman in Mass Effect, allowing you to have lesbian sex with a blue alien if you so chose. THE END IS NIGH!
January 17, 2008 at 10:55 am
Welcome back, honey.
I see you’ve put on a few pounds over the break. Looks good on you, tho.
January 17, 2008 at 1:21 pm
They want efx, some ass effects
January 17, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Excuse me, you’ve been back on the intertubez 48 hours and still no posts crucifying Der Pantload?
or did you return solely to torment us non-Massholes with posts about the Patriots inexorable Super Bowl juggernaut?
January 17, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Your Patriots are getting their asses handed to them at “Sadly No!”, guys…
January 17, 2008 at 1:30 pm
OhSweetJeesus! The Editors have started watching Zero Punctuation!? Worlds are colliding, Jerry! Worlds are colliding!
January 17, 2008 at 1:51 pm
That’s a special one.
In my playbill, Howard Hughes doesn’t come back. Suit yourself.
Suit it!
January 17, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Glad to see you back.
January 17, 2008 at 5:52 pm
May I be the first to say; “Keyboard Kommandos.”
And I think I speak for all of us.
January 17, 2008 at 8:28 pm
This blog kills liberal fascists.
January 17, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Thank God you’re back. I desperately need talking dinosaurs, some kittens, and reams of Keyboard Kommandos. In return I promise an occasional moderately amusing comment. Sound fair? Good. I’m waaaaaiting.
January 18, 2008 at 1:17 am
This is the weirdest thing, I want to say that this blog is either the Platonic ideal of Editors minimalism OR totally not the real Editors. I can’t decide. Somehow putting “Atrios” on the top of the blogroll is the linchpin of both arguments.
January 18, 2008 at 7:23 am
Thank you for coming back. I missed you.
January 18, 2008 at 2:29 pm
and again the lazy sets in. sigh….
January 18, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I think that realistic sex acts have always scared the wingnuts more than terrorism.
January 18, 2008 at 6:29 pm
ZARDOZ!
January 18, 2008 at 8:55 pm
I’m with Punko. I think the missing space between “the” and “editors” is supposed to be a clue. Or maybe it’s just part of the new efficiency.
Oh, Poor Man, must you be so intriguing?
January 19, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Isn’t Dear Leader himself calling for more stimulus?
January 21, 2008 at 4:53 am
Hooray for the poor man. For he is all of us. And he is back.
January 22, 2008 at 8:26 pm
“most realistic sex acts ever conceived.”
Do we really want to see the most realistic sex acts ever conceived? Wouldn’t that probably look like an overweight man trying to give his girlfreind an orgasm with his tongue but needing to resort to a vibrator, then wandering off to look at porn?
January 22, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Welcome back, theeditors.