I am worried about you people. There has been too much fighting on this blog today. Therefore, I will relate to you a really stupid pun I came up with earlier, and in turn, you can tell me really stupid puns of your own!
A US serviceman has the watch outside Da Nang in 1968 about a month before the Tet Offensive. He is keeping an eye on an enemy position some twenty miles distant. All of a sudden, out of the corner of his eye, he sees something flashing through the sky, and moments later, the VC anti-aircraft guns light up the sky. At first he thinks he must be watching a US fighter on a mission, but the silhouette is wrong — too long, and shaped strangely. Wide-eyed, he realizes what he is looking at just in time to see the shape streak off to the horizon. Beside him, the radio crackles to life: air traffic control is going crazy, they spotted a bogey they don’t recognize and they are frantic trying to figure out what’s going on. What, his commander asks him, the hell is going on out there?
“Sir,” says the grunt, “I saw commies missing Santa Claus.”
There! Now everybody’s happy!
February 23, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Stupid puns are the Zweites Buch of Liberal Fascism.
February 23, 2008 at 4:03 pm
What do you call fake spaghetti?
February 23, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Impasta!
February 23, 2008 at 4:12 pm
“If the foo shits, wear it.” We don’t need to go into the long stories preceding the punch-line, do we?
February 23, 2008 at 4:39 pm
“Supplies!”
(lead-in story to follow, when I have the time)
February 23, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Dammit, Compound F! I had the whole 500-word story typed and you give away the punch line!!! Bastard!!!
February 23, 2008 at 5:16 pm
“That? That’s a hickory daquiri, Doc.”
February 23, 2008 at 5:17 pm
(This belongs on Alicublog.)
“Pardon me, Roy–is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?”
February 23, 2008 at 5:45 pm
First day on the job.
February 23, 2008 at 5:46 pm
“Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!”
February 23, 2008 at 5:47 pm
A man enters a piano competition. To stand out among the contestants, he decides to memorize the score so he won’t need sheet music or a page turner. Comes the competition he strides out on stage, sits at the piano, and spaces out, forgetting everything. He loses.
Moral: Don’t rote the Bach baby, don’t rote the Bach.
February 23, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Google, bitches!
February 23, 2008 at 7:44 pm
God, I would have loved that when I was 13.
Anyone else remember all those Christa McAulliffe jokes that were making the lunchroom rounds within an hour of the Challenger blowing up?
February 23, 2008 at 8:03 pm
During the 4th of July parade in a small western town a group of cowboys was bringing its herd of cows to the cattle lot on the other side of the hamlet. Unfortunately, to get there they had to cross Main Street, where the high school band was just starting its performance. The Parade Marshall ran up to stop them from crossing the street. “You can’t drive those cows through our orchestra!” he cried.
The oldest cowboy leaned back and said, “Whalll… what would it be worth to you to let us go through?”
The Marshall thought for a moment. “It would have to be pretty good, something extra special.”
The cowpoke reached into his saddlebag and handed the Marshall a small packet. “Lissen. In here is a bunch of marijuanna suppositories. Getcha high as a kite an’ no one will know. Is it a deal?” The Marshall nodded, ordered the band to stop and let the cows across the thoroughfare.
Proving that a herd in the band is worth boo in the tush.
From.
February 23, 2008 at 9:26 pm
What did the fish say when it hit its head against a concrete wall?
February 23, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Would it be bad form to tell the story of Nate the Snake here?
February 23, 2008 at 10:20 pm
I left my harp in Sam Fran’s disco.
February 23, 2008 at 10:26 pm
What did the fish say when it hit its head against a concrete wall?
“OW, FUCK, MY HEAD!”
February 24, 2008 at 2:03 am
“Did you really think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?”
February 24, 2008 at 2:09 am
Best one I’ve heard lately,
Permanent Republican Majority.
February 24, 2008 at 2:19 am
lemuel-
that was freaky- I remember the “Head and Shoulders” one- I heard it in 5th period and I think we watched the launch in 2nd or 3rd period.
February 24, 2008 at 3:03 am
Thanks for volunteering yourselves for the Carlos Mencenia Death Camp.
February 24, 2008 at 5:17 am
Puns are truly the lowest form of humor.
February 24, 2008 at 5:23 am
He’s a super-calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.
February 24, 2008 at 8:02 am
NEED ANOTHER SEVEN ASTRONAUTS, PUNKO?
February 24, 2008 at 10:43 am
OK, these marine biologists at the zoo found that they can keep porpoises alive indefinitely with a diet of nothing but seagulls. One evening, while bringing the porpoises’ food, they saw a sleeping lion that had gotten out of its habitat. They stepped over it and were immediately arrested by Federal marshals, and charged with:
Carrying gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
February 24, 2008 at 11:08 am
Dude sees a small hairy creature with a hypodermic needle on its head. He goes, “What in the world are you?”, and the creature replies, “I’m a little furry with a syringe on top”.
February 24, 2008 at 11:42 am
Todd Says:
February 24, 2008 at 3:03 am
Thanks for volunteering yourselves for the Carlos Mencenia Death Camp.
The guards will herd us off of the trains using the retard voice.
February 24, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Instead of “Arbeit Macht Frei,” the sign over the gate reads “Dee Dee Dee” …
February 24, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Technically, not a pun but a backwards joke. As in, “boy-foot bear with teak of Chan.”
February 24, 2008 at 7:44 pm
An airliner’s toilet holding tanks frequently leak; in the cold air at high altitudes a substance forms on the fuselage containing roughly equal parts of urine, feces, and the blue disinfectant that gives it its color and name, “blue ice.” When descending rapidly, chunks can break off the aircraft and litter the countryside.
See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_ice_(aircraft).
All this goes to prove that you don’t have to live near a strategic military target to be hit by an icy B.M.
(Thanks Spider Robinson: when I read this I threw the book across the room!)
February 24, 2008 at 8:57 pm
“Did you really think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?”
“Did you really think I asked for a 10-inch Bic?”
February 25, 2008 at 9:29 am
“How do you think I rang the doorbell?”
February 26, 2008 at 6:31 am
Alaskan optometrist–optical Aleutian.