Scott Horton has a rundown of the good news. There are a lot of downsides here, obviously, but the silver lining is that being an unemployed alcoholic may lose its social stigma and put you in the vanguard of an exciting and rapidly-expanding career field. And if inflation kicks in, more of us will get to enjoy $5500 blow jobs. Maybe not ‘enjoy’, exactly, but feel satisfied in a job well done as we rise from our knees and straighten our paper trainee hats. And would you like some fries with your hummer, sir?
How fucked are we? A few days ago it was going to be the worst recession since the early 70’s. Yesterday I heard it compared to the 1950’s. And now we’ve crossed the Great Depression threshold. And it’s only Monday! I’m going to get ahead of the curve here and compare it to the comet impact that burst “the dinosaur bubble” c.65 million BC. Sell! Sell! Sell! I suggest a diverse portfolio of cave paintings, fur loincloths, very large wooden clubs, and raw meat to weather the coming troubles. Watch CNBC for further updates.
No one could have predicted that letting a semi-retarded dry drunk with a history of abject business failure run the country for 8 years might end up having negative economic consequences.
… “Coming troubles” s/b “routine and necessary short-term corrections as part of a temporary and natural cyclic downturn”. Sorry for any damage my careless wording may have caused to your stock portfolio.
These comments have been CTRL-C CTRL-V adapted from comments made here. Decreased blog productivity is another sign of structural economic weakness.
March 17, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Delightful. When did canned goods and shotguns go out of style?
March 18, 2008 at 1:10 am
I’ll get some good rubbing sticks gathered so we can preserve fire.
March 18, 2008 at 4:43 am
I find this video instructive:
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2be_1205087274
Wall Street = dog
Media = laughing friends
Us = drunk guy
March 18, 2008 at 5:24 am
Don’t worry. John McCain has assured us that he will look at what’s working and what’s not and then he’ll fix the bad stuff. After all, how hard can it be?
March 18, 2008 at 6:11 am
The point of appointing the semi-retarded dry drunk was that he WOULDN’T run the country and regulate the economy.
Watch Republican’s claim that their dereliction of governance is proof that Liberal claims of governing responsibility is evil. Watch.
March 18, 2008 at 6:30 am
I’m waiting to see people say that it’s going to be worse than the depression of 1873-1896.
Also:
Not so much.
Republicans won’t turn on Bush, and they’re not anti-government, anyway.
Libertarians with anarchist leanings (e.g. me) don’t want to use Bush because he’s too obvious. Bill Clinton is better because he looks like a good guy, but (Clipper chip, Defense of Marriage Act, Communications Decency Act).
March 18, 2008 at 9:20 am
Are replica Depression-era apple stands available from Crate & Barrel, or will I have to build one myself?
March 18, 2008 at 9:27 am
I’m telling you, one of these Iraqi’s is a piñata filled with shiny gold bars. If we kill enough of em, we’re bound to hit the jackpot!
March 18, 2008 at 9:55 am
Libertarians with anarchist leanings (e.g. me) don’t want to use Bush because he’s too obvious. Bill Clinton is better because he looks like a good guy, but (Clipper chip, Defense of Marriage Act, Communications Decency Act).
?
I know people have horrible memories of the Clinton years with all that shitty peace and prosperity we had, but I’m happy you anarchist libertarians still hope to offer it as a teaching moment about When It All Went Wrong.
Of course now that the infallible market has, once again, proven utterly fallible because of a lack of oversight and sensible regulation, I’m sure anarchist libertarians have to find some other thing to jack off about.
March 18, 2008 at 10:05 am
“anarchist libertarians have to find some other thing to jack off about.”
McCain’s wife is a good start, and Chelsea is looking better and better every day.
But every wet dream I have about either of them gets interrupted by the thought of the foam that resides perpetually in the sides of Tweety’s mouth, and my member instantly becomes as wrinkled and lifeless as Greenspan’s jowls.
March 18, 2008 at 10:17 am
LOL @ #7.
March 18, 2008 at 10:35 am
I know people have horrible memories of the Clinton years with all that shitty peace and prosperity we had
But, but, but…the Clipper Chip, dude.
THE CLIPPER CHIP.
March 18, 2008 at 10:45 am
“But, but, but…the Clipper Chip, dude.”
Ixnay on the Lipper-cay, ip-chay!
We don’t want THAT cat out of the bag now do we?
March 18, 2008 at 10:55 am
Ixnay on the Lipper-cay, ip-chay!
I. Will. Not. Be. Cowed.
The Clipper Chip was the waterboarding of the 90′s.
March 18, 2008 at 11:16 am
How fucked are we? A few days ago it was going to be the worst recession since the early 70’s. Yesterday I heard it compared to the 1950’s. And now we’ve crossed the Great Depression threshold. And it’s only Monday! I’m going to get ahead of the curve here and compare it to the comet impact that burst “the dinosaur bubble” c.65 million BC. Sell! Sell! Sell! I suggest a diverse portfolio of cave paintings, fur loincloths, very large wooden clubs, and raw meat to weather the coming troubles. Watch CNBC for further updates.
No one could have predicted that letting a semi-retarded dry drunk with a history of abject business failure run the country for 8 years might end up having negative economic consequences.
Fucking hilarious and sad all at once.
Yo honestly, if you need a campaign driver, I’m available. Just sayin.
March 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm
No one could have predicted that letting a semi-retarded dry drunk with a history of abject business failure run the country for 8 years might end up having negative economic consequences.
This, sir, I Quote For Truth.
March 18, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I was at the Gulf War Swimdrome when the government put the Clipper Chip up my Ass! And I’m not taking it sitting down! It’s high noon daylight slavery time, and starting now we’re taking it back! Are you with me men?
—- h/t to Firesign Theatre
March 18, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Yeah, considering the Govt. just had to step in and prevent all the capitalist freemarketeers from Genuinely Fucking Us All Royally, it seems strange to pick this moment to crow about being a libertarian.
Or, is there some narrative floating around about how it would be better to let the financial marketeers run the country into the ground to save us from the horrors of the Clipper Chip? And remind me again of what the Clipper Chip is again?
March 18, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Note to self: do not rag on clipper chip.
March 18, 2008 at 1:26 pm
WHO DARES DISTURB MY RIGHTEOUS SLUMBER??!?!?
March 18, 2008 at 1:55 pm
If libertarianism can be cured through mockery, this site may just have made this world a better place.
Well done, all.
March 18, 2008 at 3:04 pm
[...] of the Day By Twisted_Colour Teh Poorman “No one could have predicted that letting a semi-retarded dry drunk with a history of abject [...]
March 18, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Allow me to pre-empt the esteemed conservative commentators of 2009 and and be the first to attribute this economic downturn to President Obama, not President Bush.
March 18, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Max – I’m sure Kristol will spin it as “fear of teh Scary Negro causes economic downturn” or some such shite.
Fortunately, I think we’ve reached a place where the vast majority of Americans would applaud if each and every claim of this type were greeted with a hearty SHUT THE FUCK UP.
March 18, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I hate to correct Jennifer, but the coming downturn / recession / D-word
(a) could not possibly have been foreseen by anyone;
AND (b) is the fault of those doom-laden alarmist statements about “systemic weakness” emanating from the Left, giving rise to market nervousness.
March 18, 2008 at 6:44 pm
While I still have some cash, I should really invest in something that’s recession-proof, like real esta–
Ah, shit.
March 18, 2008 at 8:28 pm
OK. Point the first, Bush Jr. is aleph null times worse than Clinton. Torture, unjust war, enormous civil liberties violations, corporate welfare, financial malfeasance, I could go on. Name just about anything that Libertarians hate, Bush Jr. has done it.
Point the second, what we are seeing is not the free market. It’s a system where people have one set of rights and responsibilities, and corporations have the same set of rights, but none of those responsibilities. And also corporate welfare tends to go to those who need it least.
Point the third, I can’t pinpoint the precise moment When It All Went Wrong, but it goes back at least to the presidency of John Adams.
March 18, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Hello. I exult at the prospect of despondent speculators zooming out of lofty towers down toward the pavement spread-eagled in waxy catatonia like realistic life-sized rubber dolls with vacuum-action vaginas which you produce to exacting standards for upscale export markets in my desert home, and which are quite realistic, I am told, and certainly remarkably durable, resistant to constant pounding as well as furious rubbing and scraping, except that the limbs have a tendency to loosen over time – however, your painstaking craftsmanship and ingenuity avail you nothing, for Islamic finance and sovereign petro-euros have vanquished you. I shall enter your country imperiously, without cavity searches, and your women shall fellate me for princely sums. I shall buy up your neighbors’ homes and paint them garish hues and erect marvelous edifices or graze racing camels in violation of your protective covenants.
March 18, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Yes, aliens and sedition abound.
March 19, 2008 at 10:22 am
Point the second, what we are seeing is not the free market. It’s a system where people have one set of rights and responsibilities, and corporations have the same set of rights, but none of those responsibilities. And also corporate welfare tends to go to those who need it least.
While I keed about the Clipper Chip (but not to its face) — I fear this is where the Libertarian argument becomes nothing more than the Marxism-hasn’t-failed argument. It’s academic. A moot point dreamed on by dreamers and wished for by wishers.
It’s entirely irrelevant whether you consider this “free market” or “Wealthy-oriented market” or what have you. It is, inarguably, a deregulated one (something Libertarians were fond of not two months ago). And it is a failed one. Because the banks, hedge funds, lenders, Masters of the Universe and hucksters went out and bet the farm because there was no one to reign them in — they played the market and upon collapse the LAST thing standing between them and the abyss is a desperate Government bailout.
Corporate welfare? Sure. But last ditch and a situation crafted by rampant market speculation, bad faith and greed — Libertarian to the core. Only here can we see the frailty of the market. Self-correction would cause economic catastrophe. There’s no invisible hands left. That’s the dead end of libertarian reality.
But I’m assuming you hold that The Man kept them down through taxation or something.
March 19, 2008 at 10:42 pm
There are certainly people who call themselves Libertarians who believe that all deregulation is equal.
There are other Libertarians who were appalled by what Steinbeck wrote about in The Grapes of Wrath. And get palpitations when they think about the Jeffersonian ideal of yeoman farmers.
It’s a major rift in the Libertarian Party, and one that frankly, the anti-corporates are losing. The transhumanist, racist, and warmongering Glenn Reynolds wing is proceeding like a juggernaut, chewing up the old remnants of the party.
When I joined the Libertarian Party, I got a membership card. Above the signature line read the following words, “I hereby certify that I do not believe in or advocate the initiation of force or fraud as a means of achieving political or social goals.”
The so-called Libertarians that supported the Iraq war make a mockery of this declaration.
No, the new robber barons did that.
March 20, 2008 at 8:09 am
Oops, the actual quote is:
“I was napping poolside at the Gulf War Swimdrome, when….”
Sorry. That is all.
March 21, 2008 at 9:34 pm
[...] knees and straighten our paper trainee hats. And would you like some fries with your hummer, sir? fuckedcountry.com « Liberal Fascism « Satanitude noun. A quality found in, and admired by, politicians and [...]
September 19, 2008 at 4:15 pm
[...] 19, 2008 Break it up! Posted by The Editors under Uncategorized Six months ago, I compared the nation’s financial crisis to the K-T extinction event which caused the [...]