It looks like Kaye Grogan has given up.  Time to find a replacement.  Our first candidate: imminent country music star Charlie Daniels.

[T]here is no way I am going to buy into global warming as anything but a blatant attempt to control industry, take freedom away from the people and put political power into the hands of a bunch of elitist wimps who would like nothing better than to tell America what to do, how to think and how many trips they can make to the bathroom every day.

People, this is nothing but a bald faced power grab using flawed science and scare tactics aided by a lap dog media and opportunist politicians and globalists who see a way to squeeze America a little more.

If Al Gore and his disciples are so convinced they are right, why won’t they let the other side be heard? Why do they suppress scientific information that proves them to be wrong about global warming? If their theory, and people it’s nothing more than that, a theory, and if it is right why can’t it stand the light of debate? Why not have a nationally televised debate letting both sides have their say?  [How about a American Idol-style sing-off where scientists are judged on the basis of stage presence, agreement of theory with experiment, and 'x' - the inexplicable SASS FACTOR?  Neil Patrick Harris could host.  Wednesday nights will Warm America's Globes ... only on NBC! - Eds.]

I’ll tell you why not. It’s because they can’t stand the white hot light of the real truth. There are just as many imminent scientists who are anti global warming as pro global warming. The problem is that the ones who don’t support global warming cannot find a forum to be heard in and the rest are afraid of losing their grant money.

If global warming is so imminent why isn’t Al Gore spending his time in China where they are opening a new coal fired power plant every few days and the pollution problem is much worse and less attended to than anywhere in the western world. China lives in a perpetual cloud of gray pollution and the problem is only going to get worse as they have to create twenty five million new jobs a year.

There follows an imminently sensible Laurel and Hardy routine about how carbon credits cause global warming.  Read at your own peril.  We will now judge Mr. Daniels in three categories, on a scale of 1 to Kaye Grogan.

Inability to understand one’s own point: 4 out of a possible Kaye Grogan.  There are a few “the food is terrible … and the portions are too small!” tangents, but, by and large, Mr. Daniels hews to his central thesis: that global warming is a myth perpetuated by an all-powerful Al Gore in order to destroy America and make money.  I’ll buy it.

Psychedelic psyntax: 3 out of a possible Kaye Grogan.  Apart from believing that imminent is a synonym for gall-dang hoot-a-ninny!, Mr. Charlie unquestioningly accepts the staid, mainstream rules of The Man’s English designed by Al Gore to keep us down.  L-7, Daddy-O.

Leopard print, aka SASS FACTOR X:  0 out of a possible Kaye Grogan.  Much as I’d like to imagine that Daniels typed this while wearing a leopard-print burlap sack, I’m afraid it just isn’t very likely.

Final Score:  7 out of a possible Kaye! Kaye! Kaye!  Our expert panelists dismiss Mr. Daniels with some tart comments, and he waddles away in tears.   Stay tuned for our next contestant on … AMERICAN WINGNUT!