Sen. Arlen Specter (WAH-WAH):
Sen. Arlen Specter said he thinks an independent investigation into Spygate is warranted, but he described this as “one man’s opinion” and not an indication that he will pressure anyone in Congress to take up an investigation. He said he’ll leave it up to colleagues to make up their own minds as to the merits of an investigation.
Whatever the fuck that means. For what can a mere senior Senator do?
The senator [Specter], who is up for reelection in 2010, is the ranking Republican member of the Senate Judiciary Committee. Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) briefly attended Specter’s meeting with Walsh on Tuesday and is fully aware of the situation.
A Judiciary Committee aide noted that Specter, as the committee’s ranking member, controls a minority of the committee budget and can therefore fund some congressional action. Specter said Leahy has also agreed to authorize committee money.
Make of that what you will. Specter has a few reasons for wanting to inconvenience the NFL, as Josh Alper explains:
Arlen Specter was very upfront about part of his motivation for calling for an independent investigation into Spygate. He’s a Senator from Pennsylvania and he’s concerned that tapes made of the Steelers in 2004 may have contributed to their loss in the AFC Championship game. [In violation of league rules, and the laws of space and time - Eds.]
He was less forthcoming about another potential reason for his anger at the NFL. Specter has very close ties with Comcast, based in his state, and they’ve been fighting with the league about the placement of the NFL Network on their cable networks.
On ESPN’s NFL Live, Sal Paolantonio said “the NFL Network, just last Tuesday, filed a complaint with the FCC against the Comcast Corporation for discrimination. They want those NFL Network games to go on the regular tier.” Because they’re dealing with the federal government and because Specter is so close to Comcast, they need to tread lightly lest the league make more of a mess for itself in Washington.
Please, please, please conduct an independent league-wide investigation of the NFL. You could start here. Also, while I personally know a ton of guys who are 270 lbs and can run a 4.4 40, I have heard certain wags suggest that there is rampant steroid use in the NFL (and the NCAA, and in high school, etc.) What will wags say next? That the most common blood type in the NFL is anabolic? That the official breakfast cereal of the NFL is Intravenous Elephant Testicle Crunch? That you’d have to be a fucking lobotomite not to know this? Still, if you happen to run out of mescaline, and begin to suspect that Mark Schlereth is a complete fucking lobotomite, you might want to take the investigation in that direction. Just a suggestion.
A lot of people will think I’m saying “fuck the fucking NFL”, but that’s not really true. The NFL has always taken very seriously its mission to popularize the sport of professional ice hockey. It has also understood that professional football’s main competition on Sunday is the Methodist church c. 1890, and so has worked hard to ban dancing, and enjoyment of life generally. Because the fans demand it! These accomplishments are all the more impressive when compared with MLB, where a powerful players’ union does most of the really important sport-ruining, leaving the league free to do other things, like uh, fellate the players’ union. What I’m really saying is “fuck the fucking NFL, and the Congress can’t going to accomplish shit until Bush is gone, so they might as well give us a circus.” Bring it on, Arlen. Bring it on.
May 14, 2008 at 4:18 pm
I am still in shock how the Patriots managed to cock-up that last Superbowl. Somebody needs to hold an inquiry in how the hell the Giants managed to sneak that one!
May 14, 2008 at 5:09 pm
How long can we talk about the NFL without watching a Leodis McKlevin highlight reel set to Dixie Dregs outtake music? Not long, I should think.
And James Hardy? It’s bad enough that the 6-5 220 lbs. receiver runs a 4.34 40 he brandishes weapons at his dad. His dad! Imagine what he’ll do to the Patriots.
May 14, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Hmm. Comic book athletic ability and violent outbursts. Must be too much synthetic testosterone in his diet.
I mean “dairy products”.
May 14, 2008 at 5:37 pm
We can only hope.
Also, I like to call the Cavs center Zyggy Tsardust. Unrelated. I know, but there it is.
May 14, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Every time I read about Arlen and “Spygate,” I have a momentary hope that he’s bringing to light something trivial about spies — like how Bush/Cheney leaned on them in the run-up to war, purposefully used Valerie Plame as an example to the other ones to STFU, used our intelligence network to kidnap and torture, committed multiple felonies by wiretapping without warrants, things like that — and then I remember that our fearless Arlen is using the resources of the Senate to investigate something as monumentally fucking important as whether a fucking NFL team broke fucking league rules (which are far more important than any laws passed by Congress). I guess that ever since Arlen and his crew made sure that Congress is irrelevant to actual government (because the Decider has that taken care of), the Senate can really focus on the important things.
May 14, 2008 at 9:47 pm
ugh. And my team were the idiots that drafted the schmuck. Motherfucker!
BTW, as much as I hate the Patriots (I was bred that way and the cheatin’ thing ain’t making them any rosier,) good point.
From now on, every time some Senator brings up football or baseball or any dumb shit like that, we need to mass email them with this link from the Booman Tribune. Watch the slide show and try to not want to punch Arlon Specter right in his fucking face.
May 14, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Where’d you get the cool picture of Putin?
May 15, 2008 at 5:04 am
jack fate said: “…”
Go Bills!