NFL professionals watch the tapes:

Trying to steal signals is nothing new in the NFL. All teams have advance scouts who watch and log opponents’ personnel groupings and record the signals they see from the sideline. The Patriots, however, took things to another level with their videotaping of opposing coaches. [...]

However, these videotapes likely were not used to make in-game adjustments because there simply is not enough time during game action and a 12-minute halftime to decipher and decode what those tapes contain. At halftime coaches and personnel staff are barely able to get a drink, use the restroom and relay to players the most basic things they saw in the first half, before the team heads back onto the field. Where the advantage lies is in the time it takes to prepare for the next game against the particular opponent being filmed: What would normally require watching and splicing hours of tape was already done in one fell swoop during a previous game.

If Scouts Inc. were running the scouting department of an NFL team, this kind of video would allow us to chart tendencies, personnel variations and play calls in a shorter time. Answers to questions about the opposing team would appear more quickly. What’s important to remember, though, is that teams eventually glean this kind of information from film study anyway: The video in question would simply be a shortcut in a process that is already under way. There is an advantage, but it is minimal. [...]

We don’t know for sure whether more tapes ever existed in New England, or how these tapes were broken down and used. But after reviewing the material released by the league, this much is clear: We saw nothing in that video that would allow us as a scouting department to provide a team with an unfair advantage over an opponent.

Yes, preparation time was reduced and film study was streamlined, but not in a way that single-handedly turned the Patriots into one of the premier teams in the league. In the end, the Patriots’ success comes down to having better players who make full use of the information provided to them.

But, of course, Mark Schlereth (of the great Denver Broncos) knows how these tapes could be used to great advantage at halftime, which is why NFL teams are constantly banging down his door to offer him coaching gigs. Oh, wait.

… Aaaand the Herald retracts. The Boston Herald, for those who don’t know, is often compared to the NY Post, but that’s not quite right. The NY Post actually does reporting. The Boston Herald is the journalistic equivalent of This Weird Dude I Met On The Bus Who Wouldn’t Stop Talking To Me, except you can clean up after your dog with it. It’s basically ten pages of transcribed Bill O’Reilly monologues followed by 5,000 pages of sports reporting, all of it ungrammatical and 99% made up. “According to an anonymously-sourced Boston Herald report” is not the way Great Tales of Journalism begin.

UPDATE: Why does Ted Kennedy hate America?

“With the war in Iraq raging on, gasoline prices closing in on $4 a gallon, and Americans losing their homes at record rates to foreclosure, the United States Senate should be focusing on the real problems that Americans are struggling with,” Kennedy said through a spokesman in response to a question posed by a Globe reporter. “I’m looking forward to another great Patriots season where they can let their play on the field speak for itself.”

Well, you all have made so much progress on this stuff over the last 18 months, it would be a shame if you got distra … Oooo! Steroids in Baseball! *Fap! Fap! Fap!* Face it: Senator Kennedy is just trying drown this young investigation before it has had a chance to blossom and mature, just like … hmmm. Well, just like something.

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