My TV friend David Brooks has just assured me that John McCain’s rejection of Rev. Hagee and Rev. Parsley (and their revenge rejections) will have no ill effects on the candidate, as those in the know realize they just aren’t that big a deal. Mr. Brooks declined to share his deep personal insights into who is a big deal in right-wing political evangelism – not people whose books sell a half million copies, not people who haul in $40 million a year, not people with national TV ministries, nor people who coauthor national legislation, people who can get US Senators to show up at their parties, or those who are aggressively courted by the Bush 43 and McCain campaigns. Presumably, Mr. Brooks meant someone really influential, like, say, Jesus. So, as long as McCain can avoid calling the Sermon on the Mount “crazy and unacceptable“, and Jesus can refrain from returning to Earth on a flight of cherubim and telling McCain to go fuck himself, everything should be just fine. We apologize for the error. We are sorry. Please, Mr. Brooks, please stop sobbing.
However, it appears that McCain may have another problem. It seems that some people aren’t big fans of his plan to have HALF OF THE UNITED STATES ANNEXED TO AZTLAN!!!
Put very simply: John McCain is a liar. He’s a man without honor, without integrity, who could not have captured the Republican nomination had he run on making comprehensive immigration a top priority of his administration. Quite frankly, this is little different from George Bush, Sr. breaking his “Read my lips, no new taxes pledge,” except that Bush’s father was at least smart enough to wait until he got elected before letting all of his supporters know that he was lying to them.
Ungenerous Readers may wonder how Mr. Hawkins compares McCain’s lies about immigration to George W. Bush’s lies about WMD, or about not having made up his mind to go to war, or about the threat Iraq posed to the United States. Such Readers may wish to spend less time being stingy in their praise of President Winston Reagan von Abraham Lincoln-Truman, and a little more time reflecting on how lies are very good and noble if they serve your political agenda. (Michelle Malkin agrees, but nobody cares.)
Don’t think this means you can abandon your duty to your country, Captain Dornan.
May 23, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Dear Lou,
The answer is “Invaded Czechoslovakia.”
Love,
vachon
May 23, 2008 at 10:45 pm
The way it is being bruited about by news agencies elsewhere in the world, McCain “has faced down an evangelical pastor backing his White House bid”. “Facing down” sounds far more mavericky than “flirting with, but then hiding in the stationery cupboard”.
May 24, 2008 at 9:28 am
The thoughtful right winger is at his wits end this campaign season for he is pulled taught by his desire to repudiate the black man who presumes to be President and the desire to vote Barr because that baby eater McCain not only wasn’t a POW, (he was hiding, “dumme”), he is Schwarzeneggering-up tha’ GOP with his positions on global warming, torture, campaign finance/lobby reform, (just a wee bit of course, not too much),and the general “subjigazation” of the brown.
Do not touch the trim.
We weren’t going to carry Appalachia anyway. Maybe it’s time to implement the blue state strategy and focus on the states Kerry won plus the 145,000 votes in Ohio we needed. I think we should go for an electoral victory even sans the majority of the popular vote. Obama-Sebelius.
May 24, 2008 at 11:37 am
Lou Dobbs is the reason we have Special Education classes. You can see what he learned there.
May 24, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I really shouldn’t be able to picture Dobbs staring out his kitchen window, hungrily undressing his undocumented poolboy with his leering piggy eyes. I shouldn’t picture that, but he makes it so easy.
May 24, 2008 at 5:07 pm
LOU DOBBS IS A RAVING LUNATIC.
I feel that if I do not say that sentence out loud every time I hear him speak I might lose my bearings on the world completely.
The crazy, it burns!
May 24, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Lou Dobbs? Asshole. But a major league asshole. An asshole that CNN deems worthy of five hours of semi-prime air time a week, plus recanned spam on the weekends. And those classic Poll Questions of the Day! They generate the income needed to pay for Wolf Blitzer (who’s an indentured servant, by the way), John King’s Jumbotron touch-screen computer, and Anderson Cooper’s mani-pedi-botox sessions.
How many Scrabble points for Aztlan and Reconquista? Lou Dobbs knows.
May 25, 2008 at 1:09 pm
“Jesus can refrain from returning to Earth on a flight of cherubim”
Itty bitty helicopter Ernest Borgnines.
May 25, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I like Mexican food. So I’m not a bigot. If I hate Mexicans for taking over America, what’s the big deal? They choose this lifestyle.
May 26, 2008 at 1:20 pm
The word “evidence” seems to drive Lou crazy.
May 27, 2008 at 10:12 am
I for one welcome our Mixtec and Toltec warrior caste overlords.
May 27, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I’m sticking with the Olmec Insurrection–cuz i’m a rebel like dat.
May 27, 2008 at 3:00 pm
“Don Baraqqo subbed the mixture on my forhead and on my thighs. He told me to go sit somewhere out of the sun. In a few moments I felt very light-headed and giddy. Then I felt kind of sick to my stomach.
Suddenly I just had to jump up and start running, running. faster and faster. Soon I was ruinning as fast as I could. But then it seemed I kept running faster yet. I was bounding over boulders and hills and ditches. I looked up and I was several feet above the ground. I felt really sick. Then I looked up again and I could see the little dry river canyon about 2 miles away from our camp ground, very far below me.
I heard an odd croaking sound next to me, and there was a Cuervo looking me straight in the eye. It was Don Barraqo! He was trying to tell me that we were headed to El Norte, to take back from los Blancas the Mundial Nueva!. I asked him: how can this be? But he silenced me with a look, and he said to me: the path lies ahead to the Casa Blanca….”
Journey to Aztlan, the Continuing story of Don Baraqqo
May 27, 2008 at 3:01 pm
“rubbed” not subbed.
May 27, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Secondharmonic, I also welcome those same overlords if they can get the Mixtec entree right. For fucks sakes. Mix means “mix” right? Don’t give me all barbacoa. Some lengua, cabeza y pastor would be nice.
May 29, 2008 at 3:23 pm
All Paul had to do was show Lou the document.
Here is your evidence:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27842
.