This man is a huge liar:
Edward Smith, who lives with his current “girlfriend” – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not “sick” and had no desire to change his ways.
“I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love,” he said.
“Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it’s just wonderful.
“I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart and I have no desire to change.”
He added: “I’m not sick and I don’t want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.”
Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.
But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was “making love” to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.
Oh yeah right Mr So Called Smith I’m so sure. First of all you are a bulbous man who looks like the Magnum PI helicopter and Airwolf would blow you up with missiles as soon as look at you. Perhaps you slept with Blue Thunder because lets face it nobody is buying replicas of Blue Thunder for $60,000 and he’ll probably take any attention he can get. Airwolf could have any human he wants but he doesn’t swing that way thank you very much. Everyone knows Airwolf is a certified virgin who is saving himself for the helicopter from Riptide who is a hot piece of ass.
Face it Mr. Smith you are just a perv who has sex with cars because no decent helicopter would have you. Via, via Eric in Hiroshima.
May 23, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Riptide! Fuck yeah!
How about some love for Hardcastle and McCormick? Matt Houston? Automan? Manimal?
May 23, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Or even Salvage:One
May 23, 2008 at 2:23 pm
The looking back as one prepares to back up the convertible, then lurching forward schtick never ever ever gets old. Classic.
May 23, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Is that Riptide chopper nose art supposed to be the 21st Century Schizoid Man album cover?
May 23, 2008 at 3:49 pm
You’re so right, The Editors. Clearly he’s just telling lies because he couldn’t get to first base with Airwolf. It’s like that Angels song.
May 23, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Blue Thunder is a smelly pirate hooker. That trick Vanilla was just asking for it. Is this controversial in your country?
May 23, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Told my girl I had to forget her,
Rather buy me a new carbu-rettor
May 23, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Beautiful!
I’m still wiping off the ol’ keyboard.
And “I’m In Love With My Car” is one of my favorite songs, Whammer.
In my defense, so far this love has been purely platonic. So there.
May 23, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Seriously, how can Christian Vander exist and this story not be true?! I say it’s both or neither.
May 23, 2008 at 5:21 pm
John O, good to hear it, that song is way underrated, I think. As is “My Wife” on Who’s Next……
Speaking of great lyrics from car-related songs:
Guess I should have known by the way you parked your car sideways,
That it wouldn’t last…….
May 23, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I wonder if Ernest Borgnine was watching?
May 24, 2008 at 11:21 am
This is even sadder than the poor Plushies. At least they’re getting it on with things that are soft and warm. Not things designed to KILL YOU.
May 24, 2008 at 12:49 pm
But I thought you’d be happy for him….
May 24, 2008 at 5:11 pm
“Americans have a love affair with cars” is a common thing to hear for pedestrian and bicycle activists, as well as energy conservation activists, who propose cutting down vehicle traffic. I had no idea it was so literal!
And how has nobody made the autoeroticism joke yet?
May 26, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Autoeroticism, Sam? Well played!
May 27, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Y’know, when “Riptide” was first mentioned, I immediately recognized the show: the two studs and the nerd. Looking at some of the clips makes me realize how cruel the studs were to the poor nerd (with whom perhaps I identify).
The other point was that I remembered the episode where they got some giant foreign dude to be a football ringer. This dude kept repeating, “Football! You bet!”
So I googled it. Turns out that episode was from the 1977 show “The San Pedro Beach Bums.” So sue me. In 1977 I was… 15? Ugh. Can’t believe I didn’t have better taste by that age. For instance, I never watched “Airwolf.” I am now prepared to be shunned.
May 28, 2008 at 2:32 am
Ok, if this is ever was a real show I am totally selling my 80′s membership. I spawned in 1990 wearing a hypercolor shirt before I can accept this.