The People’s Revolutionary Council for Centrism 4 Connecticut for Lieberman, after careful deliberation, announces today its endorsement of the Republican ticket of John McCain and Sarah Palin for President as the ticket most likely to usher in an era of bipartisan civility. We also endorse all other hardcore Republicans for everything else, chide Democrats for being partisan, ask that we not play “the blame game” regarding Republican misdeeds of the past decade or five minutes, and respectfully call Barack Obama a troop-killing unAmerican Commie terrorist. Seriously.
While there are many figures and thinkers who have influenced our thinking on this weighty decision, there was one in particular who focused our minds on the key issues with crystaline clarity. We refer here not to Joe the Plumber, but to Gene the Wisest Human, whose groundbreaking theory of Time Cube is perhaps the most lucid defense of the right-wing Republican agenda and record:
SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY TIME CUBE IS MORE MODERATE THAN BARACK OBAMA’S ELITIST EDUCATED STUPID. THOSE WHO DO NOT ACCEPT THIS DESERVE DEATH. 96-HOUR CUBIC DAY GIVES SARAH PALIN TIME TO GAIN GRAVITAS AND GIVES US ADVANTAGE OVER TERRORISTS WHO DENY TIME CUBE.
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JAMES GLASSMAN IS WORLD’S WISEST HUMAN. WORLD ECONOMY IS NOT IN RECESSION AS EDUCATED STUPID SNOTBRAINS CLAIM. THE 4-DAY DJIA CUBE IS 36,000, EXACTLY AS PREDICTED, BOOMING ECONOMY WHILE FALSE QUEER SINGULARITY MARKET GOES BUST. RECESSION IS MASSIVE GROWTH UNDERSTANDING TIME CUBE. REPUBLICAN 4-CORNER DJIA CUBE ECONOMICS IS COMPLETE SUCCESS. THOSE WHO DO NOT INVEST IN DJIA CUBE DO NOT DESERVE LIFE ON EARTH.
TED STEVENS IS BEING PERSECUTED FOR UNDERSTANDING THE SECRET OF 4-WAY TIME. PRISON IS A SERIES OF CUBES. TED STEVENS BRIBE CUBE PROVIDES 96-HOUR FAITHFUL PUBLIC SERVICE IN EACH 24-HOUR ROTATION OF BRIBE CUBE. EVIL WORSHIP OF ONEISM IS CONTRADICTED BY BRIBE CUBE.
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SARAH PALIN IS THE WISEST OF HUMANS. SHE CAN SEE SIMULTANEOUS RUSSIA FROM HER HOUSE 4 TIMES USING 4-WAY ICE CUBE. THE 4 SIMULTANEOUS CORNERS OF ICE CUBE MAKES HER OUTFITS COST ONLY $37,500.
IF YOU ARE ENSLAVED BY SINGULARITY YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND BLOG CUBE AND YOU WILL BE KILLED. BLOG CUBE LETS ME READ THE CORNER 4 TIMES IN ONE 24-HOUR DAY. THE KERNING ON BARACK OBAMA’S FAKE BIRTH CERTIFICATE WAS DISCOVERED 4 TIMES IN ONE ROTATION OF BLOG CUBE.
SIMULTANEOUS TAPES OF MICHELLE OBAMA YELLING AT AFRICAN BLOGGERS WILL BE RELEASED TO FOX NEWS 4 TIMES IN A SINGLE ROTATION OF BLOG CUBE. I POSSESS MATH AND SCIENCE PROOF THAT JOHN MCCAIN WILL RECEIVE 168% OF THE POPULAR VOTE USING 4-WAY BLOG CUBE. IT IS NOT IMMORAL TO KILL EDUCATED STUPIDS WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND BLOG CUBE.
I am Joe Lieberman, and I approve this message.
October 27, 2008 at 7:13 pm
woah…waitaminute…if it’s a blog “cube” and you read the “corner”, shouldn’t it let you read it EIGHT times in one 24-hour day? Or should I be killed for not comprehending?
October 27, 2008 at 8:25 pm
The Time Cube allowed Eliot Spitzer to “comprehend” Ashley Dupre four times a day. Look what happened to him.
October 27, 2008 at 8:42 pm
BLOG CUBE KICK ASS it should be called I3|_()9PNW3R
October 27, 2008 at 8:51 pm
OK, I get the Time Cube, and I was almost willing to accept the 96-Hour 4 Earth Corners Rotational Day, until he began dissing Santa. That’s just crazy talk.
October 27, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Wait–so Dr. Bronner is still alive? And writing a political blog? Aw-ri-i-i-ght!
October 27, 2008 at 9:16 pm
How did The TOOT first discover the Time Cube and where do I get one?
October 27, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Do not taunt happy fun Time Cube.
(apologies if someone thought of that in the previous TC thread)
October 27, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Propeller head Rubik’s Cube 4-dimensional stupid smash cube against high school cafeteria wall got in trouble felt good work at dad’s dealership.
October 27, 2008 at 10:25 pm
that’s halfway to Giblets territory, that is.
October 27, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Holy crap, am I behind the time or is this big news that The Editors are on YouTube?
If there could ever be a Halloween present cooler than a new Keyboard Kommandos, this is it.
October 27, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Jeez, TheEditors on Youtube is ancient history.
This commentary on race in presidential politics should not die in obscurity
October 28, 2008 at 12:20 am
Kael Rove, the Wisest Genius, created a Permenant Republican Majorty. Liberals and so-called scientists cannot comprehend this with their evil 7 Day week. Only Time Cube can explain the Permenant Republican Majority. Also, Jews.
October 28, 2008 at 12:43 am
why do the Editors assume that Time Cube is not an attempt by an alien race from Sirius to contact earthlings and warn us about the dangers of the Pythagorean Theorum?
October 28, 2008 at 1:06 am
I assume you’ve seen this.
No hat tip, because I’m an internet anti-traditionalist.
October 28, 2008 at 1:39 am
“PRISON IS A SERIES OF CUBES”
i thought that was the internet… oh… TUBES. well the internet might not be a series of tubes but prison is a series of tubes carrying information, and sometimes drugs.
October 28, 2008 at 5:06 am
Your merchandise site has no diapers that I can see.
October 28, 2008 at 6:22 am
Time Cube turn girlfriend into conspiracy-spouting P.U.M.A. Hate Time Cube.
Also, The Change.
October 28, 2008 at 6:41 am
holy crap!
by connecting wingnuttia, McPOW, DOW 36K and the Time Cube itself, you have squared the circle of nuttery, cubed the sphere of universal lunacy, hypercubed the 4-torus of deranged factional droolers, brought into simultaneous harmonic justification the well-kerned clavicle of the discordant fistula.
October 28, 2008 at 6:44 am
[...] The Poor Man has completed the Internet. [...]
October 28, 2008 at 7:43 am
i was going to comment on this but TIME CUBE 4X means i already have commented, in fact i’ve always been commenting and will comment far into the future until my comment becomes the very post being commented upon.
at which point, THE CHANGE
October 28, 2008 at 7:55 am
The Best Post Ever?
October 28, 2008 at 8:09 am
They act like Earth is terrestrial prison.
I don’t like it when they change…
Beck was already always having become time cube.
October 28, 2008 at 8:11 am
You have to do the change…
October 28, 2008 at 8:12 am
Actually the internet is a series of toots.
KubosKiprosKlan
October 28, 2008 at 1:18 pm
At my fundamentalist church, the lifelong quiet salt of the earth industrious clean cut brethren are ignored. Bor-ing! Well, unless we need some work done about the place.
But when the strange new fellow appears, scented with a radical dangerousness, we are apprehensive. Is this Satan? But then, if they loudly proclaim an epiphanictical conversion to our conservative ways, we all swoon lustily. Well, the ladies swoon lustily, the men secretly wish we had the women swooning lustily over us, but in a fundamentalistic way of course.
Now, Joe Lieberman has such an exotic quality. The brave new convert with the very naughty past associations. It’s just sexy. Stop and swoon for a moment. Then tell a cleanie to get their ass back to work.
October 28, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Only the Quantum Time Cube can explain this.
My friends.
October 28, 2008 at 4:33 pm
THE CHANGE
October 28, 2008 at 4:42 pm
[...] Jonah Goldberg’s landmark classic Hitler’s Willing Executioners. They know nothing of 4-Way Dough Cube. Pish, and, indeed, posh. One hardly knows whether to laugh or cry. Possibly related posts: [...]
October 29, 2008 at 10:26 pm
LMAO – Priceless! I had not seen a TimeCube reference for a long time – the guy has really gone stark raving mad now. Almost as whacked out as MaCain/Palin supporters….