I see that Glenn Reynolds and assorted hangers-on are all atwitter because Michael Yon said something or other. The headline that launched a thousand premature ejaculations of triumphalism:
“THE WAR IS OVER AND WE WON”
The follow up is at least somewhat more caveated:
Michael Yon just phoned from Baghdad, and reports that things are much better than he had expected, and he had expected things to be good…There’s a little bit of violence here and there, but nothing that’s a threat to the general situation.
Those insolent pockets of violence still have the nettlesome habit of raining 300-400 Iraqi corpses, and 10-30 flag draped coffins, per month, on the eternally recurring victory parades marching through wingnuttia. Nevertheless, we are assured now of a victory that already resides in the past – as in, has been achieved.
Reynolds’ lucky linkees chime in:
Surprised? I’m not…I’ve been saying “we won” for some time now, so no argument on that point from me.
And:
No thanks to the Democrats, including Barack Obama and Joe Biden, who tried to keep it from happening. I see that they still can’t bring themselves to utter the word ‘win’ with respect to the war. They continue to talk about ‘ending’ it. Well, it looks like George Bush did that for them, and he won it as well.”
Well, I’d feel more inclined (were it not for the aforementioned dampener of Iraqi and US corpses continuing to turn up all dead-like) to utter the word “win” if someone would define what exactly winning entails, as opposed to, say, losing.
What did we win? What were the goals achieved? Ridding Saddam of the WMD he didn’t have? Kicking al-Qaeda out of a country where they weren’t in until after we invaded? Weakening Iran? Inducing a chain reaction of democratic dominos that would spread throughout the region smothering terrorism under the weight of each block’s collapse? Facilitating the peace process? Lowering oil prices?
The one and undeniable accomplishment would be that Saddam and his sons are out of power. Good. He will not be missed or mourned.
Yet, it takes a special kind of skill in the art of goalpost maneuvering to declare victory based on this one achievement after hundreds of thousands of Iraqis lost their lives (and millions more psychologically and physically scarred), 4-5 million Iraqis are displaced internally and abroad, roughly 5,000 coalition soldiers and contractors dead, trillions of dollars sapped from the US economy, countless opportunity and diplomatic costs, degradation of our military’s fighting capacity, etc.
And even now, victory has been declared based on the fact that fighting has died down (but not completely by any stretch), and an increasingly authoritarian and Iranian leaning Iraqi government is exerting its prerogatives in terms of consolidating control and expediting our exit from the country.
Regardless, the cheerleaders clutching to threadbare and bloodspattered pom poms, scream into their megaphones ”Bush won”!
Perhaps.
But if Bush won, he was not alone. Iran is also entitled to an end-zone celebration of their choosing (Najaf Leap?). On the other side of the ledger, the Iraqis and American citizens mostly lost.
So it depends on how you define “we” and “won.” But other than that, yeah.
(via Glenn’s better)
November 14, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I always compare this “we won” crap to sticking your arm in a wood chipper. You didn’t “beat” the woodchipper just because, at one point, it looked like was going to take off your arm up to the armpit, but all it got was halfway past your elbow.
November 14, 2008 at 1:42 pm
This reminds me of the pep talk Senior Daredevil Lance Murdock gave to Bart after getting getting all of his bones broken by a lion and seversl sharks:
Now let me start by saying… good for you, son! It’s always good to see young people taking an interest in danger. Now a lot of people are going to be telling you you’re crazy, and maybe they’re right. But the fact of the matter is: Bones heal. Chicks dig scars. And the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world!
Well, I guess the analogy doesn’t hold up when one contemplates Walter Reed.
November 14, 2008 at 2:18 pm
lucky linkees
Oh, you read that script too? Owing to it being shopped around Hollywood during the pc-transition phase from homophobia to rainbowism, the Gay Pride remake proposal for The Dirty Dozen, ‘Harry’s Fairies’, bore the code title, Lucky’s Linkees.
It was, in retrospect, an harbinger of the Log Cabana Republican movement. It’s memorable tag line for its proposed preview trailer was:
“<A HREF=”http://www.mudvillegazette.com/archives/images/andsm.jpg” Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
After suitably enormous amounts of <A HREF=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rohypnol”Flunitrazepam have been administered. Liberals always make such a racket about being <A HREF=”http://www.mudvillegazette.com/archives/images/me220.JPG”protected.
Times have changed. Once, a fighting faggot had to go underground or, for really safe mano-a-mano sex, <A HREF=”http://www.mudvillegazette.com/images/subservsm.jpg”, underwater.
November 14, 2008 at 2:22 pm
(oops)
lucky linkees
Oh, you read that script too? Owing to it being shopped around Hollywood during the pc-transition phase from homophobia to rainbowism, the Gay Pride remake proposal for The Dirty Dozen, ‘Harry’s Fairies’, bore the code title, Lucky’s Linkees.
It was, in retrospect, an harbinger of the Log Cabana Republican movement. It’s memorable tag line for its proposed preview trailer was:
“<A HREF=”http://www.mudvillegazette.com/archives/images/andsm.jpg”< Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
After suitably enormous amounts of Flunitrazepam have been administered. Liberals always make such a racket about being protected.
Times have changed. Once, a fighting faggot had to go underground or, for really safe mano-a-mano sex, underwater.
November 14, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I have only begun to fight flu-induced amateur HTML incompetence.
“We shall endeavour to persevere.”
W. Churchill
November 14, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I scare myself:
“lucky linkees”
Oh, you read that script too? Owing to it being shopped around Hollywood during the pc-transition phase from homophobia to rainbowism, the Gay Pride remake proposal for The Dirty Dozen, ‘Harry’s Fairies’, bore the code title, Lucky’s Linkees.
It was, in retrospect, an harbinger of the Log Cabana Republican movement. It’s memorable tag line for its proposed preview trailer was:
“Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
After suitably enormous amounts of Flunitrazepam have been administered. Liberals always make such a racket about being protected.
Times have changed. Once, a fighting faggot had to go underground or, for really safe mano-a-mano sex, underwater.
November 14, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I quit, Grammaw.
November 14, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Isn’t that supposed to be: “the war would forever have always already have been won”?
But I am not up on my Paglia.
November 14, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Look, if these fucktards think we need to win before we come home, then fine, let them think we won.
November 14, 2008 at 3:44 pm
so if we won a long time ago why the surge? why are we still there? why the opposition from wingnuttia to bring the troops home?
its like if a house ever gets rebuilt in new orleans bush won the war on katrina.
November 14, 2008 at 3:55 pm
“Winning” means never having to say goodbye.
It means we keep troops in Iraq like we do in Japan and Germany, because of the imminent threat of Communist Iran, or something. Or so that Elvis can make movies while in uniform about all the hot Baghdadi boppin’ chicks who just loves them some rockabilly and malteds.
November 14, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Winning means shifting our attention to Afghanistan, which replaces the charm of uparmored Humvee-hospital urban and desert warfare with the charm of uparmored Humvee-inhospital cave and mountain warfare.
November 14, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Sorry. Obama won and I threw out my Rolodex of conservative fucktards, so I must ask: who the fuck is Michael Yon?
Anyway, it stands to unreason that they would declare victory now, in order to prevent any credit for the Glorious Triumph from going to anyone who has, y’know, a (D) behind their name.
Hail Eris!
November 14, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Look, there was a grease fire in the pan in the kitchen. We went in and detonated several incendiary bombs. The house burned down, the family fled (a couple died), several of our team got killed or maimed, and we’re standing in smoking ruins, gesturing grandly for the family to move back in.
What part of “the grease fire is out” don’t you understand?
November 14, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Now that we’re winning, we need to continue winning.
November 14, 2008 at 7:11 pm
okay, so we won the winning continuance winathon.
November 14, 2008 at 7:24 pm
No thanks to the Defeatocrats.
November 14, 2008 at 7:48 pm
When W walks down the flower-strewn streets of Baghdad to accept the thanks of the liberated populace, I will be so embarrassed that I ever doubted his awesome fortitude and resolve.
November 14, 2008 at 8:05 pm
That is nuts. Osama Bin Laden won. He said he would bankrupt the USA with their stupid war against him and he has.
Osama wins. The US loses. The cost is yet to come.
November 14, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Okay, only as a result of Republican resolve, America won, is winning, and will win, the winning continuance winathon in Iraq against Islamofascist liberal terrorists and will continue to win into the future as long as it takes to win until we win, etc.
November 14, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Neal, in its own way, that comment was win.
(swollen tear traces slowly down curvy’s ruddy cheek)
November 14, 2008 at 9:03 pm
It’s the Grizzly Bear Strategy.
It’s like this: You don’t want a grizzly bear living in your house do you? Even the more agreeable ones will rip apart your fridge, squash you and your cat and the bed without knowing, and demolish your new TV just to see what those noises are. Nothing good can come from having a 1200 pound bear living in your house with you. So it is with America. No Arab wants to piss America off anymore because we’re going to come live with you and leave your whole country a fucked up mess.
November 14, 2008 at 9:07 pm
As Geddy said* so eloquently, “Thank you very kindly, good night.”
*Exit…stage left
November 14, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Fellas, fellas, the sole metric of victory in Iraq is that tonight, Glenn Reynolds can curl up in his toasty jammies, keyboard-in-arm, and feel good about himself.
November 14, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Squirrel Cop!
November 14, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Osama won. Obama won. We all win! Yay! The election is over! We’re all winners! Proof:
http://thepeoplescube.com/
Yes, even I can solve the People’s Cube!
November 15, 2008 at 12:00 am
“That is nuts. Osama Bin Laden won. He said he would bankrupt the USA with their stupid war against him and he has. Osama wins. The US loses. The cost is yet to come.”
No more ponies for you, young gravatar.
It would be too much funniness if Osama really DID prove to be an Evil Genius. The whole thing is so pulp: tunnel labyrinths under some of the highest mountains on earth; Oriental criminal mastermind with exotic dress, distinctive features, curiously soft eyes and exotic facial hair; fanatical religious sect bent on global domination; and a seemingly impossible but apparently successful conspiracy of devouring from within.
Palin as VP pick was ‘like a bad Disney flick: hockey mom goes to Washington’.
The War on Terror: Final Judgment is like Ed Wood’s lost masterpiece.
There. I feel redeemed.
November 15, 2008 at 2:42 am
Haven’t we been winning constantly since 2003? What makes this win so special?
November 15, 2008 at 8:29 am
“so if we won a long time ago why the surge? why are we still there? why the opposition from wingnuttia to bring the troops home?”
I wondered about that for a long time, but then I realised that by staying, we can win over and over! Wingnuts can wake up every morning and leap for joy that yet again we have won in Iraq. Would you deprive them of that joy? Furthermore, it has the added advantage that every American soldier who dies or is horribly maimed knows that he/she does so victoriously! You wouldn’t want their sacrifice to be in vain, would you?
November 15, 2008 at 9:55 am
“Winning” means the shit in the bed finally got crusty enough to scape off. Maybe one day we’ll change the sheets.
November 15, 2008 at 10:24 am
We can’t let anyone else get in the last bullet.
November 15, 2008 at 10:56 am
Ya know, when you *win* the World Series or the Super Bowl, you gotta go *defend your title* within 6 or 7 months. So much for awesome immortal legendary uniqueness. What a dissappointment.
But when you win every day, in every way, forever, for everybody, it’s superduperSuperBowl time!
Just sayin’.
November 15, 2008 at 11:13 am
To winfinity and beyond!
November 15, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Losing – when the President determines that being in Iraq is not in our interest and successfully executes a plan to that effect.
Winning – when the President is forced by the enemy to sue for peace through bribery and acquiesces to an unwanted time table to withdraw.
November 15, 2008 at 3:03 pm
War. War has changed.
November 15, 2008 at 3:15 pm
“War. War has changed.”
It intrigues me how certain patterns seem to repeat in new formats. Classical sci-fi formula even up to this day requires an intro explaining the rules of the future/alternate universe in which narrative occurs.
In video games like this, new narratives needing such preamble-atory explanation shares space with the mostly same old interactive functions:
THIS is why you must blow THAT guy’s head off.
Thumbs don’t fail me now!
(Only video game I have ever played is Pajama Sam.)
November 15, 2008 at 3:17 pm
The comment string on that vid-game-vid is fun.
November 15, 2008 at 6:36 pm
so if we’re losing we have to stay until we win.
if we’re winning, we need to stay and continue winning.
so when, exactly, do we leave? when we get bored? when the US is broke and can no longer borrow money to pay for war and occupation? when there is no more war profiteering?
November 15, 2008 at 7:30 pm
We’ll leave about here, I reckon.
November 15, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Only video game I have ever played is Pajama Sam.
That game fuckin’ rocks. I still sing the Carrot Freedom Song and say “Property is theft, man” in Carl’s voice all the time.
In fact, the sequels ain’t bad either.
November 15, 2008 at 11:09 pm
To properly shoot ones’ self in the foot, one must first take aim and pull the trigger. I congratulate everyone on the superior strategical tactics. As we all agreeingly agree. We have won! Congrats us! From we to thee!
November 15, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Kenny. It’s likely I’m older than you.
He did say that.
I am a little soon but the bankrupt the USA will be along shortly. It’s here actually but well hidden.
Now it’s true he is only partly to blame but he is a big part and does seem to be prescient. If anyone can be said to have won it’s him.
I don’t need no friken pony, just put new knobbies on my KLR mule “Molly”. Winter is here.
November 16, 2008 at 8:53 am
I tried to post this last night, but the intertubes were mourning the downfall of Sen Stevens, and wouldn’t cooperate…
The glorious GOP must be credited with a big WIN in Iraq!
Just like their valiant victories in WWI! and WWII! Err…well..okay..so..
Korea! Yeah, taking over a losing war from Truman, and turning it around to beat the stuffing out of North Korea, so that they’re no longer a threat to….um.
Vietnam! Yeah, that’s the ticket! Kennedy and Johnson just losing, losing, losing, then Nixon came in and beat the snot out of the VC, producing a GLORIOUS victor…..
Okay, the FIRST Iraq war, triumphing over Saddam, destroying his odious regime and replacing it with….
Well, okay. The CIVIL WAR!! Yeah! Republicans TOTALLY beat that treasonous rebelious rabble. Sure, a lot of deaths, but it was a WIN! WIN! WIN!
WE’RE #1! USA! USA!
So they repugnotards really, really want a “win” i the “R” column. Because their self-image (which is as large as a dwarf galaxy) requires it, lest they be “losers”.
To put in in “sports” terms:
Imagine if the Cubs hadn’t had a win since 1865, and *that* win was against a little-league team that eventually grew up and took over the Cubs management. That’s the GOP.
Losers. With a ‘tude.
November 16, 2008 at 9:53 am
“Kenny. It’s likely I’m older than you.
He did say that.
I am a little soon but the bankrupt the USA will be along shortly. It’s here actually but well hidden.”
Oh, I concur. It’s just so flatulently absurd that it happened.
You’re stirring my repressed memories, heathen. All those flags flittering from car antennae…
I only disagree with one thing: that USA bankruptcy is well hidden. This implies credit to the hiders, when its relative hiddenness is mostly achieved by the populace hiding their eyes.
The beacon of light of cour city on the hill is currently lit by a bonfire of IUOs…
November 17, 2008 at 5:20 am
Ghostriders in the Sky by Duane Eddy. Good mule-riding music, Pengun. I’ma a Santo&Johnny man myself.
November 17, 2008 at 9:11 am
Watch the winning spin around to losing in the span of time it take President Obama to say the Oath of Office.
November 17, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Reynolds should be buying that condo overlooking the Tigris any day now, eh?
November 17, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Glenn Reynolds is proof positive having a law degree, a teaching gig at a pretty major University, and a popular blog is not antithetical to be a complete douche bag moron.
Kinda comforting in a way.
November 18, 2008 at 12:21 am
Hold on, the Electoral collage hasn’t been reviewed by the art critics just yet… Still ain’t offalicious…
November 18, 2008 at 9:05 am
[...] just don’t get it: There’s nothing to worry about! You can come out now, we won! [...]