Dear God make it stop:
Creepy Cosmic Thought: A running mystery of cosmology is gamma-ray bursts, extremely strong energy blasts from deep space that cannot be explained by any known mechanism, including supernova explosions and neutron stars. Astronomers assume gamma-ray bursts must be natural in origin: TMQ [Old Gregg] asks, what if they are the muzzle flashes of horrific planet-killer weapons? Recently Louisiana State researchers using the Advanced Thin Ionization Calorimeter, a balloon-borne experiment drifting at the edge of the atmosphere above Antarctica, announced they had detected very strong gamma bursts coming not from deep space, but from about 3,000 light years distant — the general neighborhood of our galaxy. The researchers went on to speculate that since there are no known cosmic objects in our neighborhood of the galaxy capable of projecting strong gamma rays, perhaps they had witnessed interactions involving the hypothesized “dark matter.” TMQ’s reaction: Great, maybe there is an interstellar war going on just 3,000 light years away.
A few columns ago, I speculated that even if there is never any way to exceed or circumvent the light-speed barrier, relatively nearby planets might still fight by hurling nuclear bombs at each other at 99 percent of light speed — with existing technology, something moving that fast wouldn’t even be seen until nearly here. Let’s hope any world advanced enough to build near-light-speed stardrive will also have become wise enough to forswear war. But based on the only model we know, human society, technology and wisdom do not go hand in hand. Anyway, John Duezabou of Helena, Mont., adds this creepy postscript: “A bellicose or paranoid extra-solar civilization that could accelerate an object to 99 percent of light speed wouldn’t need to launch bombs at us. They could shoot anything with devastating results, because the kinetic energy of a moving object is half its mass multiplied by the square of its velocity, or KE = 1/2 mv2. Thus, one pound of anything — a pint of vanilla ice cream, for instance — accelerated to 99 percent of light speed has an energy of about 4.8 megatons, roughly the blast yield of the largest hydrogen bombs.” A moderate-sized object, say a small asteroid, if accelerated to 99 percent of light speed, could conceivably shatter the Earth.
According to SCIENCE!
Now, that a man who writes a sports column likes to fantasize about space wars and disaster movie plots is not news. That a widely-published man who is employed by the influential Brookings Institution as an expert on “Environmental policy; Global warming; Science; Space policy [...]“, and who is regarded by his chummy peers as brilliantly “hyper-logical”, doesn’t have any sense of what that Einstein fellow was on about might be news; unless, of course, that man’s name is Gregg Easterbrook, in which case we’re just glad he isn’t writing about sports. Death from above can be a mercy.
December 2, 2008 at 11:20 pm
You are risen indeed!
Let’s hope any journalist advanced enough to write for ESPN will also have become wise enough to forswear masturbating into a sock while reading Orson Scott Card.
December 2, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Is he hiding something? Has a large debt he can’t pay off? He seems to be obsessed with the impending doom and destruction of the planet by unforeseen forces. It could totally happen…
December 2, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Well, it’s par for the course for Easterbrook, but he not only has the “speculations” wrong, but also the flimsy “basis” upon which he spins his fantasy.
Unlike Easterbrook, I actually read the paper that started this nonsense. It’s not a high-energy gamma ray burst, but a wide, mishappen ‘bump’ in the electron spectrum.
I suggest we name it “Jonah”. Just…because.
Oh, and the size of that bump? 71 electrons. That’s it, just 71 extra electrons sitting on top of ~150 that were otherwise expected. Statistically significant, they say, but “Jonah” is still unimpressive.
Oh, and if gamma-ray bursts were from alien wars, it might make sense that we’d see, like a *few* of them coming from the same spot in the sky. But that has never been observed. No two ever from the same direction. “Oh, DOOMSDAY weapons! Only one is needed!”. In hundreds and hundreds of bursts, every one a singleton? Compare and contrast to nuclear weapons in WWII.
No, it’s just that all-benevolent diety sterilizing a distant galaxy with hard radiation. If he actually exists, he’s clearly a genocidal loon that needs to be hunted down and destroyed.
Then, perhaps “Jonah” will go away. But I wouldn’t get your hopes up.
December 3, 2008 at 12:06 am
Shorter Easterbrook:
As you can tell I really want to play the role of Greg in this Winter’s Poorman Holiday Production,
“Awww Fuck You, It’s Obama time, fool!”
I’ll let you know where to send the grant money.
December 3, 2008 at 12:13 am
Also, all these Gamma Rays are turning my cock into the Hulk.
December 3, 2008 at 12:18 am
Greg!
December 3, 2008 at 12:28 am
Alternate title for the Winter Musical,
“Don We Now Our Gay Apparel”
December 3, 2008 at 12:39 am
Memo to Easterbrook:
That’s a 48 megaton ice cream, you Newtonian caveman fuck.
December 3, 2008 at 1:23 am
The vanishingly small chance that there should exist a collection of shorts based on a ridiculous and insane Bailey’s loving intersexual merman named Gregg with two Gs only serves to support Mr. Easterbrook.
December 3, 2008 at 2:35 am
Well, he’s not wrong about mathematics of the the near-c rock problem. He’s just wrong in thinking that it is something we need to conceivably worry about. He certainly has a habit of taking the wrong conclusions away from a technical understanding.
And, as snarki has already addressed, the “muzzle flash” theory is shot full of holes.
December 3, 2008 at 3:44 am
Easterbrook is not allowed to tell us that it is Rich Space Jews who are having an interstellar war that may destroy us.
December 3, 2008 at 4:05 am
P.S. This is fucking important. I will fight you all.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081202/ap_en_ce/tv_cost_cutting_soaps
December 3, 2008 at 5:43 am
Why stop there?
Why not attempt to explain all mysterious, currently inexplicable observations with a hypothesized, ‘what if’ war?
Maybe there is no global warming — what if there are tiny, tiny spaceships battling it out in our atmosphere and their numbers are so great that their force-fields are repulsing too many outgoing longwave infrared radiation photons back to Earth instead of those photons escaping to space?
Maybe there is no such thing as cancer — we’re actually seeing the accidental results of the battle of tiny, tiny warriors who live in every living thing and fight using special DNA bombs that normally only hit the other warriors but occasionally screw up our bodies’ cells.
I mean, you know, it could be…
December 3, 2008 at 5:47 am
Well, he’s not wrong about mathematics of the the near-c rock problem. He’s just wrong in thinking that it is something we need to conceivably worry about. He certainly has a habit of taking the wrong conclusions away from a technical understanding.
1) He is wrong about the math. When you’re talking about 99% of light speed, you can’t use 1/2 mv^2, relativistic effects matter; you have to use mc^2 / (1 – v^2/c^2)^(1/2), as per the Editors’ link.
2) As Bore points out, he’s also wrong that the largest hydrogen bombs are 4.8 megatons; they’re 48 megatons. (I have no idea which, if either, is equivalent to a pint of ice cream at 99% light speed, nor do I care enough to do the math.)
3) It’s also shocking (had this been anybody but Easterbrook) that a reader had to tell him that the use of a bomb is unnecessary. I mean, not only should a science writer have some idea about the relationship of mass to velocity, but also even this particular space-war train of thought is not a new idea. Asteroids as weapons have been a stable of sci-fi since The Moon is a Harsh Mistress.
December 3, 2008 at 5:48 am
It’s like he’s practically daring ESPN (!) to fire him.
December 3, 2008 at 5:52 am
It would be cool to watch about 8 hours of bloggingheads between him and Michael Medved talking about a bunch of shit they don’t realize they don’t understand.
December 3, 2008 at 5:56 am
That is, the largest H-bombs are *on the order of* 48 megatons: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsar_Bomba
December 3, 2008 at 7:03 am
So… space battles to smash planets are using some kinda weapon that produces a big gamma ray burst, but it turns out that they can just launch Ben & Jerry’s at each other. Which kinda throws out the idea of big planet-busting gamma ray burst-producing weapons that started the whole Battlefield Earth dreams…
Lastly, if they launch a pint of Chunky Monkey at us, we wouldn’t get hit for 3000 years (no comma when less than 10k, bitch!) so, to quote Frank Zappa, who gives a fuck anyway?
December 3, 2008 at 7:44 am
Pointless Easterbrook-baiting
I believe there is no such thing.
December 3, 2008 at 8:16 am
someone needs to tell Easterbrook that it’s not a good idea to write columns when you’re on the chronic.
December 3, 2008 at 8:42 am
Easterbrook is not allowed to tell us that it is Rich Space Jews who are having an interstellar war that may destroy us.
The Schwartz?
December 3, 2008 at 8:49 am
Erm, you could hurl ice cubes at a speed of 99% c and destroy a planet, assuming you could aim that well. No nuclear weapons required, just really good acceleration technology and hellacious targeting. (I am a trained professional science fiction writer, don’t try this at home.)
Not to disrupt a good conservative fantasy or whatever…
December 3, 2008 at 8:49 am
But I think it just might sell papers. Or screen hits. And provide valuable, neutron-breaking research into the looming media meld of politics, sports, and fantasy gaming.
You guys are just pissed because ESPN’s too cheap to run an accompanying comic strip or low-graphic Quicktime.
ESPN won’t fire him until he puts out a record of sprechgesang versions of NFL’s Greatest Half-Time Hits.
Conversely, they won’t make him network VP until SNL does an Easterbrook parody featuring ‘More Muzzle-Flash!’.
Why are you even reading Easterbrook (or watching ESPN, you latte-spewing closet-queen steroid voyeurs) when there are dozens upon dozens of PAGES of YouTube sock puppet videos?
(Well, they’re not ALL tube sock puppets, but most of them are.)
December 3, 2008 at 8:53 am
Did someone say Chronic?
December 3, 2008 at 8:55 am
Up next in TMQ: Have you ever looked at carpet? I mean, really looked at it? It’s just made of…fibers, man.
NFL PIcks: Oh wow, look at my hand.
December 3, 2008 at 8:56 am
I would like my 48-megaton Doomsday Ice Cream to be Cherry Garcia, please.
December 3, 2008 at 9:14 am
The Doomsday Ice Cream contains a lot more than 48 megatons of energy. If you look all the way at the bottom of the Einstein page referenced by the Editors, you’ll find the equation for relativistic kinetic energy. You must use (special) relativistic physics when the boost factor (the 1/sqrt(1-v^2/c^2)) reaches about 2, and for .99c the boost factor is 100. That gives a kinetic energy for a half a kilogram of 4.5×10^18 Joules, or approximately 1100 megatons. Our hypothetical civilization would have to put that much energy into the ice cream to accelerate it to .99c; I have no idea where they’d get so much energy.
December 3, 2008 at 9:16 am
I’m in complete agreement with all this, and the general conclusion that Easterbrook is loathesome. But you have to give him credit for an article years ago (probably before Mar 2003) in which he points out that really only nuclear (and certainly not chemical) weapons are true WMD.
December 3, 2008 at 9:17 am
It was only a matter of time until Easterbrook wandered into atomic physics and relativity. Global warming has lost its charm. Oh to have a gig where demonstrating ignorance is lucrative.
December 3, 2008 at 9:26 am
“TMQ [Old Gregg] asks, what if they are the muzzle flashes of horrific planet-killer weapons?”
Then we are fucked.
This has been another edition of Simple Answers to Stupid Questions.
December 3, 2008 at 9:33 am
I don’t know why y’all get so worked up about this. It’s silly freshman dorm level hypothesizing sure, but it’s harmless. Sure there is a high probability that gamma ray bursts are natural phenomena, but since we don’t know their cause at the moment, it’s fun to wonder what their cause might be. Maybe it’s super powerful weapons, maybe it’s a ripple effect from multi dimensional beings interacting with our reality by stirring their coffee, maybe it is just the touch of the spaghetti monster’s noodley appendage.
Sometimes it’s fun to play what if. It’s a sports column!
It’s easy to make fun of him being a dunce, he does it enough for real. Taking this kind of random speculation seriously is like explaining to a kid everything that’s wrong with Star Trek. By taking it seriously you’re missing the point.
December 3, 2008 at 9:37 am
Uh . . . guys? Since none of us is a polymath on the level of Da Vinci or The Doctor, possibly we could cut Mr. Easterbrook some slack when he’s obviously just having some fun talking into his computer? I would take it as a positive thing that anyone who works for those think tanks has enough imagination to spin a little science fiction speculation.
December 3, 2008 at 9:54 am
Hm … who linked here at about 9:30 this morning?
December 3, 2008 at 9:56 am
Except that he’s a noted “science expert”, and that this is basically reflective of the level of all his commentary. That he has his “sports fan” hat on today doesn’t change the fact that he A) apparently gained his first exposure to Newtonian mechanics from John Duezabou of Helena, Mont., last week, and B) is currently unaware that Newtonian mechanics isn’t applicable to things travelling near the speed of light, as a fellow named Albert Something-Or-Other pointed out a while back. This puts his level of understanding of basic science somewhere below that of a precocious 14-year-old. But his day job is informing the public and the policy community from the position of “expert”.
Again, this is a guy who for at least a decade loudly and publically misrepresented the science of global warming (to great applause), boosts “intelligent design” creationism, thinks particle physicists are purposely hiding the existance of God (or something – this one was always beyond weird), and now thinks that huge sums of federal money should go towards protecting us from KILLER ASTEROIDS. Obviously, it’s better that he’s doing it in this case in ESPN, as opposed to the Atlantic, or Washington Monthly, or a Brookings white paper, but I’m afraid that fact that I’m catching him here has more to do with what I read these days than where he is published.
I’ll say this for him: he has discovered the cure for writer’s block, and he drinks it in 10-gallon drums.
December 3, 2008 at 10:27 am
Gregg Easterbrook: The Alien Operative Keeping NFL Fans Stupid.
December 3, 2008 at 10:34 am
Those freakin’ bugs leveled Buenos Aires, and you’re all sitting here arguing about ice cream?
December 3, 2008 at 10:44 am
I think no one should be called a science expert pundit who can’t state/explain, say, the Second Law of Thermodynamics correctly.
And you’d be surprised how few…
December 3, 2008 at 11:08 am
I imagine GE uses his sports column as an outlet for his more outrageous SF fantasies because his “serious work” at Brookings wouldn’t allow such nonsense.
But it is a bit pathetic to hear him re-cycle plots from the golden age of SF and pretend that they are somehow novel and interesting ideas.
Or, to put it another way, perhaps there was a typo in the memo, and he thought he was supposed to write about “Footfall”, not football.
December 3, 2008 at 11:11 am
“Taking this kind of random speculation seriously is like explaining to a kid everything that’s wrong with Star Trek.”
That is impossible.
A) There is nothing wrong with Star Trek (in a kid’s mind).
B) The kid would kill you.
Even Gregg Easterbrook understands this.
“Those freakin’ bugs leveled Buenos Aires, and you’re all sitting here arguing about ice cream?”
Give us our grieving time. Young Ender Wiggins is being groomed even as we stir our semi-frozen macadamia nuts.
“…thinks particle physicists are purposely hiding the existance of God (or something – this one was always beyond weird), and now thinks that huge sums of federal money should go towards protecting us from KILLER ASTEROIDS…”
I totally disagree with Old Gregg on the former: they aren’t HIDING Him, they LOST Him (under suspicious circumstances, I note).
As for the latter, while things like GW and WMDs DO seem more immediate concerns for the fate of all humanity (except that Duezabou character in Montana, who has proven that old Chrichton remainders, sufficiently compacted, will protect human life through any calamity short of being removed from the A-list or dying of refutation shock), I think that an optimistic view of humanity’s long-term survival requires investment in a way to shove aside the Next Big Comet, comet sapiens, for one is gonna smack us sooner or later.
However, we should take care that the muzzle flashes from the Super-Deannihilator are concealed so as not to attract the hostile attentions of You Know Whom.
“science expert pundit”
ScienceApproximatePundits, on the other hand…
December 3, 2008 at 11:18 am
@34
“and now thinks that huge sums of federal money should go towards protecting us from KILLER ASTEROIDS.”
Easterbrook has said some stupid things on a lot of topics (Global warming), but, speaking as a scientist working for just such a “Killer Asteroid Search” project, let me state that 1) it is not huge sums of money, 2) all such searches yield far more science than finding just the one (or zero) killer asteroids, and 3) it is not totally crazy to put in some insurance against a low-probability event.
re point (1) : NASA has been funding this work at the ~ few to ten million per year level since the early 90s. That buys some hardware and funds a small number of scientists, but not much more. The next big thing (Pan-STARRS) is a few tens-of-million dollar project (but is also much more diverse in science goals).
re point (2) : the existing dedicated surveys all yield huge amounts of discoveries of solar system objects of all kinds, and are one of the primary sources of data for solar system dynamics studies. Other projects (SDSS, Pan-STARRS, LSST) are or will be complete large-scale astronomy surveys with broad science impact in all areas of astronomy.
re point (3) : the probability of global or even city-wide disaster is small (maybe ~1/1000 of destroying a city in the next century; maybe ~1/100000 of global catastrophy), but the cost of the event is huge: maybe 10trillion for a city and ??? for the planet. thus, even 100million is only 10% of the expectation cost (for the loss of a city). given the other rewards, seems like a bargain…
December 3, 2008 at 11:28 am
Nobody is going to point out that Easterbrook’s first paragraph is bollocks, too?
“…cannot be explained by any known mechanism”. Hey, dumbass: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamma_ray_burst
I propose a rule for every news and commentary source that claims to be professional: If an intern can answer the question or refute the premise by a Google search and less than five minutes’ reading, don’t print the damn article.
December 3, 2008 at 11:38 am
“A few columns ago, I speculated that even if there is never any way to exceed or circumvent the light-speed barrier, relatively nearby planets might still fight by hurling nuclear bombs at each other at 99 percent of light speed — with existing technology, something moving that fast wouldn’t even be seen until nearly here.”
This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I have ever read, and I’m an avid reader of Jonah Goldberg’s bullshit. As explained in comments above, the kinetic energy of something (almost anything!) travelling at 99% of the speed of light would dwarf the energy released in the largest nuclear explosion ever created by man. It’s the space equivalent of putting a pea-shooter on the end of a missile and shooting it just before the missile explodes.
December 3, 2008 at 11:39 am
When can we buy the backyard model at discount prices? OK, OK, I’ll pay real money for one if it means putting Americans back to work at ‘real jobs’, especially if they can wear white lab coats and carry pocket microscopes.
Maybe $10K?
Some bastard in Montana cornered all the Chrichton pulp protection…
December 3, 2008 at 11:45 am
Easterbrook wants it to be the priority item for NASA and the USAF Space budget. This would be huge sums of money.
I have no particular hostility to looking at asteroids, any more than I do for looking at quasars, or reading science fiction. But the frequency of Earth-destroying asteroid impacts is known: it is, to the precision provided by an observation lasting the lifespan of the Earth, zero. The high-end probability of a mass-extinction asteroid impact is also known: assuming every mass extinction is caused by an asteroid impact, these happen every 60-70 million years. (To give perspective, these extinction events are as catastrophic as some estimates of the effects of climate change over the next hundred years, an event with a likelihood approaching 1:1). City-destroying events happen quite frequently, from Pompeii to Hiroshima to Katrina, never (yet!) caused by Tunguska-size asteroids or comets, but rather by other, equally destructive and energetic, but far, far more common terrestrial phenomena. Yet, life goes on.
I am not, in fact, on some weird line-item jihad against asteroid or comet astronomy. I just don’t think (even given that NASA’s current priorities are insane) it needs to expand and take over large swaths of the federal budget because someone told Gregg Easterbrook about kenetic energy. There are more pressing concerns.
December 3, 2008 at 11:47 am
How long has ESPN been publishing L. Ron Hubbard?
December 3, 2008 at 12:16 pm
These so-called bursts of gamma-rays are just God sneezing. I know, I asked him.
December 3, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Agent Smith voice:
The Editors…welcome back…
We “missed” you…
December 3, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Look on the bright side: Anyone shooting lightspeed ice cream at us from the other side of the universe might well hit the moon instead.
In which case, we only need to worry about the Thundarr scenario.
December 3, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Mix some of it into your cornflakes, Mister Gentleman Blogger.
I was looking for the complete Old Gregg clip the other day and couldn’t find it — good timing.
December 3, 2008 at 12:35 pm
“about 3,000 light years distant — the general neighborhood of our galaxy”
Oh dear. Three thousand light years’ distant is IN our galaxy, not just in its neighborhood. The threat of annihilation is much greater than even Mr. Easterbrook believes. (And if it is lasers that are being used to accelerate the extra photons/ice cream, well, then…)
December 3, 2008 at 12:57 pm
In which case, we only need to worry about the Thundarr scenario.
And the Mokening.
December 3, 2008 at 12:58 pm
John Cole has MOCKED you, bitches.
December 3, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Get a load of a recent picture of Herr Easterbrook (Think Progress has one with it’s post). I think that’s a toupee. Just sayin.
December 3, 2008 at 1:32 pm
[...] This kind of scientific illiteracy is of no great shakes for a sports columnist, and science fictional scenarios are an excellent learning tool for non-scientists. But under no circumstances should anyone who writes this be considered a science expert, let alone by one of the most august think tanks in the nation. Or, as the Poor Man Institute bloggers write, “Dear God make it stop.” [...]
December 3, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I’m quoting this just because I wanted to read it again.
December 3, 2008 at 2:11 pm
“Dear God make it stop:”
Heh. You said ‘dear god’.
December 3, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I get 59.3 megatons.
Ek = mc^2{1/sqrt[1-(v/c)^2]-1}
December 3, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Megatons!!!
December 3, 2008 at 6:53 pm
..and whaddayoogit?
Another big blowdown where nothing grows yet.
Don’t call me ST. Peter ‘cuz I cayn’ go…
December 3, 2008 at 7:13 pm
B) is currently unaware that Newtonian mechanics isn’t applicable to things travelling near the speed of light, as a fellow named Albert Something-Or-Other pointed out a while back. This puts his level of understanding of basic science somewhere below that of a precocious 14-year-old. But his day job is informing the public and the policy community from the position of “expert”.
I think your vastly overestimating America’s educational system.
I’d wager that a rather sizable number of college graduates obtain their degrees without knowing the Newtonian formula for kinetic energy, much less that Special Relativity changed it.
They don’t tend to be science “experts,” though.
December 3, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Do I have to explain everything?
3. The MKS units of magnetic flux are
A. T B. T m C. T/m D. T m2 E. T/m2
December 3, 2008 at 7:54 pm
“Do I have to explain everything?”
No, just those things that bring ponies and joy to little girls and boys.
And why Michael Jackson looks so funny.
December 3, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Oh, sure. Actually, I’d say that one can be a perfectly well-rounded, educated person without any knowledge of the above. It never comes up in daily life. However, if you had even a mild interest in physical science, things smashing into things, orbiting, etc., you’d rather quickly bump into these ideas – like on page 3 of the first textbook you opened. He’s not only not an “expert”, he’s utterly uninformed, and quite clearly bored with the whole business. There’s a guidance counselor somewhere who needs a foot up his ass.
December 3, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Hey Gregg, you should be a SCIENCE MAN! Who writes about SPORTS! Yeaaaa!
December 3, 2008 at 9:33 pm
“The Jewes are the men that will not be blamed for nothing”
Writing of Jack the Ripper or time-traveling Easterbrook?
December 3, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Using a completely different calculation with completely different starting figures I come up with a completely different result, which leads me to wonder if quasars aren’t black holes but really, really, really big fireflies.
December 4, 2008 at 1:16 am
People are talking about, “Galaxy of Terror: The Weapon / Blood Red Planet”.
http://divineexploitation.blogspot.com/2008/02/galaxy-of-terror.html
December 4, 2008 at 9:54 am
I’m thinking any extra-solar civilization that destroys Earth using vanilla ice cream is not “bellicose or paranoid” but rather whimsical. But maybe that’s just me.
December 4, 2008 at 10:00 am
Again, this is a guy who
wrote some unflattering shit about your favorite football team, which pretty much explains why you don’t like him.
December 4, 2008 at 10:02 am
@40:
Search for me all you like, tiny meat specks. YOU CAN’T FUCKING STOP ME.
December 4, 2008 at 12:35 pm
W likes pretzels and I like potato chips, that’s why I don’t like him.
Pretzel-loving WPE!!!
December 4, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Well my favorite football team just got boofooed to the bone. Yup Pat and Kevin Williams may have taken an over the counter drug which may have contained a no no. Not, mind you, a steroid, nor any other enhancer. A fucking diuretic! Which actually are more efficacious than beta blockers or statins at preventing heart attacks — but what the hell; because someone somewhere in the league office saw that using said diuretic may mask the use of steroids. OK, but are there any steroid residues in their tissues anyway? C’mon, this is just good GC/MS workup, it isn’t quaternion quantum field theory!
Fuck.
And don’t tell me that scrawny little CB who weighed 210 at UNM and now weighs 260 lbs and plays middle linebacker just got there by eating right and pumping iron.
You know who I mean.
December 4, 2008 at 2:36 pm
So gamma rays originate in old greg’s mangina? Pass the funk pleeze.
December 4, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Since when have we been broadcasting detailed instructions for making vanilla ice cream? At a minimum, one would need to send the recipe, plus detailed instructions for making (a) female cows (b) vanilla orchids (c) sugar and optionally (d) female chickens. Sucrose is easy.
December 4, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Here at the camp, our team of researchers has been working on designs for suits that will reclaim all of our bodies water into catchpockets connected with tubes from which we can drink. After worldwide destruction by liberal fascism, asteroids, and the cold fury of the Hussein antichrist, we’ll emerge wearing our suits, driving our gleaming alloy air cars, two lanes wide. But we need cash. We’ll put Easterbrook on our funding list.
December 5, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Wait, ol’ Gregg has to give us his high dudgeon on THIS BREAKING STORY:
AP Exclusive: Pentagon to recruit aliens on visas
STOP THE PRESSES!
I DO NOT WANT ALIENS TO BE IN THE MILITARY!!!
December 6, 2008 at 1:27 pm
“[Easterbrook] now thinks that huge sums of federal money should go towards protecting us from KILLER ASTEROIDS.”
Um… yeah, he’s right. Mainly because there is one headed towards us right now. It’s called Apophis
“Apophis is a near-Earth asteroid that caused a brief period of concern in December 2004 because initial observations indicated a significant probability (up to 2.7%) that it would strike the Earth in 2029. Additional observations provided improved predictions that eliminated the possibility of an impact on Earth or the Moon in 2029. However there remained a possibility that during the 2029 close encounter with Earth, Apophis would pass through a gravitational keyhole, a precise region in space no more than about 600 meters across, that would set up a future impact on April 13, 2036.”
So right now Apophis is headed in our direction and will arrive in 2029. The odds are low, 1 in 12.3 million, that it will strike the Earth. I don’t like those odds however. The odds of winning the powerball is 1 in 146,107,962 and someone usually manages to win that lotto.
It seems prudent to me to have some kind of defense against asteroids because: 1) We can actually detect them, and 2) It’s possible to do something once the threat is identified. We are helpless against gamma ray bursters and relativistic ice cream.
But on the whole, yeah, Easterbrook does look like a bit of a loon.
May 18, 2009 at 3:02 pm
[...] Ezra Klein, who just began working for the Washington Post, is 55 years younger than David Broder. That means he’ll be David Broder’s current age in 2064, assuming that we aren’t destroyed in a giant interstellar war before then. [...]