Nominate here for the 2008 Golden Winger Awards for Excellence in Wingnuttery:
Chickenhawk of the Year - bravest keyboarder
- David Horowitz, “Every day is Islamofascism Awareness Week“
- Modern Conservative, “You are Leonides!“
- Tony Blankley, “We won!“
- Orsen Scott Card, “Time for a new Civil War!“
- Keith Arnold, “I am John Galt!“
- American Neocon, “The Destruction of America“
The Fluffy - most disgusting, worshipful defense of powerful wingnut
- Ace, “The media should ignore what Scott McClellan says about the President of the United States, and instead report what Alice Walker’s daughter says about her mom!“
- Andrew Sullivan, “You never forget your true love“
- Fred Hiatt, “The Intelligence Committee says whatever I says it says“
- John J. Miller, “Jesse Helms was a civil rights hero“
- Hugh Hewitt, “Dubya: Hero of Bipartisanship“
- Buttrocket, “Dubya: Master of Public Speaking“
Purple Teardrop with Clutched Pearls Cluster - for enduring the cruelest butthurt
- Jonah Goldberg, “The White Man is the Jew of Liberal Fascism“
- Michelle Malkin, “John McCain won’t return my calls!“
- Michael Gerson, “Al Franken used bad words!“
- KJ Lopez, On Republican Political Correctness
- Libertarian Republican, “The Day America Died“
- Jeffrey Scott Shapiro, “The Treatment of Bush Has Been A Disgrace“
- Graeme Bird, “Americans Embrace Irrationalism“
- Nice Doggie, “Wake Up, White People!“
- Vox Day, “Welcome to the USSA“
The Creamy Baileys – for science reporting
- Chad Myers, “Global warming is a cover-up for ACID OCEANS!!”
- Camille Paglia, “A new blog will bring scientific rigor to the global warming debate“
- (Yes, that) Charlie Daniels, “Global warming is a yankee conspiracy!“
- Gregg Easterbrook, “Global warming is a cover-up for KILLER ASTEROIDS!!!“
- Gregg Easterbrook, “Global warming is a cover-up for GOVERNMENT-FUNDED HADRON DEATH ORGIES!!!“
- Gregg Easterbrook, “Global warming is a cover-up for LIGHTSPEED ALIEN NUCLEAR ATTACKS!!!“
Soggy Biscuit - biggest group wank
- The Jingosphere, “American troops are LYING about supply problems in Afghanistan!!“
- The League of Pundits, “Barack Obama must denounce everything ever said by any black people, and whatever he says isn’t good enough“
- The Washington Press Corps, 2008 White House Correspondents’ Association dinner
- The Jingosphere, “Ayers ghost-wrote Obama’s book!“
- The Jingosphere, “10-year-old Obama seduced child molesters!!“
Wank of the Year - biggest single act of wanking of 2008
- Jonah Goldberg, Liberal Fascism
- Mike Huckabee, “America is Nazi Germany“
- Lisa Schiffren, “Miscegenation is symptomatic of Communism“
- Instapunk, “I am sick to death of black people“
- Ann Althouse, “The pyjamas of the child in the campaign ad for Hillary Clinton called Barack Obama “nigger”!“
- Tony Zirkle, “The Great Jew Porn Dragon“
- Fred Hiatt, “The Intelligence Committee says whatever I says it says“
- Larry Johnson, The Unreleased Whitey Album
- Sarah Palin, “Disagreeing with me is unconstitutional!“
- Velociman, “Obama will get us drunk and interracially buttrape us“
- Dennis Prager, “Equality is unAmerican“
- Rush Limbaugh, “Obama is a huge racist!“
- Matt Margolis, “Finding suburbia dull is racist!“
- Right Wing News, “Obama is like Hitler times Jim Jones PLUS NUKES!!“
The Palme D’Haire - biggest wanker of 2008
- Jonah Goldberg
- Sarah Palin
- John McCain
- Joe Lieberman
Use the comments for new nominations, new categories, assorted suggestions, holiday recipes, and pictures of cats in Christmas oufits.
December 20, 2008 at 12:50 pm
How is Megan McArdle not on this list?
December 20, 2008 at 1:16 pm
As requested:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cargirl3000/3122694083/
Also, Holy Joe for the Palme D’Haire. Palin only pawn in game of life.
December 20, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Huh? Jonah Goldberg wrote Liberal Fascism?!
Not so, my friends.
Jonah is a respected LA Times columnist and TeeVee pundit who is not a doughy, smug, ignorant and bigoted jerkoff.
Oh, boy! The Editors will be ever so embarrassed! Heavens!!
December 20, 2008 at 1:47 pm
I think Larry Johnson really deserves a Palme d’Haire nomination. I know he’s up against some heavyweights there, but he was magnificent all year.
December 20, 2008 at 2:01 pm
I second Megan McArdle on general principles.
December 20, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I thought Ben Shapiro’s “Enough of Radical Islam” would’ve been a shoe-in for Chickenhawk of the year.
I vote Jonah for Wank of the Year and Palme d’haire.
December 20, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Certainly there has to be room on this list somewhere for Gerry Ferraro and Lanny Davis.
December 20, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Also, this list is also missing Andy McCarthy and Michael Goldfarb, who both had MVP seasons.
Maybe just give Jonah a lifetime achievement award and make room for some new talent?
December 20, 2008 at 2:51 pm
http://mikesamerica.blogspot.com
December 20, 2008 at 2:53 pm
More specifically.
December 20, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Hey, lay off Mike and His America. That’s like “picking” on Kaye Grogan, who also rules.
December 20, 2008 at 3:06 pm
“How is Megan McArdle not on this list?”
“Maybe just give Jonah a lifetime achievement award and make room for some new talent?”
Perhaps you could kill two birds with one stone by giving Megan the first annual Jonah Goldberg Award for General Douchebaggery.
December 20, 2008 at 3:22 pm
What about the PUMAs? Won’t someone think of the PUMAs?! How quickly we forget.
December 20, 2008 at 3:31 pm
I think Assrocket demands a recount for the Fluffy.
http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2008/11/022038.php
December 20, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Overwhelming riches. Let’s leave ‘em in their glittering packages around the tree, and set fire to the fuckers.
…wingnuts roasting on an open fire…
BURNIN’ DOWN DA HOUSE!
December 20, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Oh! Oh! Purple Teardrop, clutched pearls and a gratuitous “James, call me a cab!”
Joe Scarborough walks out of MSNBC’s Race To The Whitehouse after Rachael Maddow calls him out for being a republican shill:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nFpK-_A4Ws
and
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/04/17/joe-scarborough-walks-off_n_97330.htm
December 20, 2008 at 6:01 pm
AND
Wank of the Year with Complimentary Blue Stained Dress:
Judge Roy Pearson for:
Yellow peril cleaners owe me $65 million for lost pants.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18471265/
December 20, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Rich Lowry’s starbursts post deserves an award of some kind:
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=NDYzMGFiNjQ0MWRjNmI0ZTlkYjgwZTExMjA3MWNiZTk=
December 20, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Soggy Biscuit– “William Ayers wrote Obama’s book!”
http://www.americanthinker.com/2008/10/evidence_mounts_ayers_cowrote.html
December 20, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Obama’s birth certificate is FAKE! FAKE! FAKE!
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?pageId=79174
December 20, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I say Wank of the Year goes to Fred Hiatt (and not just for his Surgery™…he’s got a substantial body of work backing his candidacy).
~
December 20, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Maybe Lowry can get the Bold Stroke award.
December 20, 2008 at 9:56 pm
I second Cpl. Cam’s nomination of Ben Shapiro for Chickenhawk of the Year for his stampy-footed Death to Enough of Radical Islam fatwah.
December 20, 2008 at 11:06 pm
I refuse to believe there exists a bigger wanker than Larry Johnson.
December 20, 2008 at 11:25 pm
OK, Blank-ly for Chickenhawk of the Year, but only by virtue of his megaphone.
Ace should get a lifetime achievement award for The Fluffy.
Gotta go with Michelle for the PPCTC.
Simply by virtue of his double-nomination, Easterbrook. The Creamy Bailey is a no-brainer.
The Group Wank has to go to the DC press corp by virtue of the serious and important additions to the overall discussion.
I think the toughest one is the Biggest Single Wank, the coveted Wank of The Year. Gotta go with the single biggest patronage wanker in the world, Goldberg. Plus, bonus points for the book prominently posted here in response.
And finally, it’s awfully tough not to give the Honorable and Wanktastic Palme D’Haire to Holy Joe, again by virtue of his position and subsequent loss of any semblance of credibility.
As for the Lowry post on Palin, well, that merits some sort of new category. May I suggest, “Actually Beating-Off Wankstrosity?”
“The (Literally) Sticky Keyboard Award?”
I’m very open to suggestions, but FSM knows Lowry deserves a special place in this year’s ceremony.
December 21, 2008 at 1:28 am
http://www.cthulhulives.org/solsticecarol.html
December 21, 2008 at 3:11 am
Where are the Kip Winger pictures? Where is the Love?
December 21, 2008 at 6:27 am
Cat in bow tie
December 21, 2008 at 8:13 am
Shouldn’t it be Lieberman who gets the Lifetime Achievement award for wanking? (and what’s that called, The Stinky Pinky? The Chapped Cap?)
After all, he’s been publicly wanking for over 10 years now. That’s longer than almost all the other candidates combined.
December 21, 2008 at 8:32 am
Hiatt reported for the Washington Star until its purchase by the Washington Post in 1981.
Fred was a wanker back then, too.
~
December 21, 2008 at 9:35 am
True, but for the most part Hiatt has been secretly wanking under his desk all this time. He doesn’t whip it out in front of the cameras, like Lieberman’s recent circle wank with McCain and Graham.
December 21, 2008 at 9:41 am
1. Steve Gilbert, Sweetness and Light — Wank of the Year for his investigative journalism into Obama’s uncle being involved in the liberation of Buchenwald.
http://www.iamtrex.com/?p=952
Or maybe Soggy Biscuit? I can’t remember how many other wingers got in on that one.
2. Pam Atlas — Malcom X was Obama’s father — Wank of the Year.
December 21, 2008 at 9:42 am
Also second Mac’s nomination of Larry Johnson for Palme D’Haire.
December 21, 2008 at 9:52 am
I find these nominations for the Fluffy a bit weak. In a year in which positive estimations of Commander Coocoobananas suddenly became rarer, surely Andrew Klavan deserves recognition for his bold identification of GWB with The Dark Knight.
December 21, 2008 at 10:00 am
For that matter, I consider Camille P’s praise for Sarah Palin’s neo-bop jazz prosody stronger than some of the nominations on the list, though I still give Klavan the edge. And I’m sort of sorry to see Assrocket’s claim that Obama should follow GW Bush’s example of careful and error-free oratory go unrecognized, though God knows he doesn’t need any more awards.
December 21, 2008 at 10:08 am
As for the Palme D’Haire, there simply is no bigger wank than Jonah’s book. To paraphrase Roger Ebert on Claude Lanzmann’s film Shoah: If Jonah is not the hugest wanker of the year, then what can it possibly mean to call anyone the hugest wanker? Do not follow the example of Ebert, who then went on to call The Color Purple the best film of the year; give the Palme to Jonah and let Larry Johnson settle for Wank of the Year. Surely he’s earned that.
December 21, 2008 at 10:16 am
Ooh!! Ooh!! Purple Teardrop!
“Obama called Sarah Palin a pig.”
December 21, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Is there an award called Purple Wanker w/ Clutched Pearl Stiffy Ring Order of the Vaseline?
Well, I think it sounds cool…
December 21, 2008 at 12:35 pm
There’s also Karl Rove for chiding Obama for not co-operating with Patrick Fitzgerald enough. That demands a whole new category of award.
Where Michelle Malkin would come second for calling Rahm Emmanuel a crybaby after he received death threats, and Ann Coulter a third for demanding an apology from Michelle Obama after race-baiting her husband all year.
December 21, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Call it the Karl Rove award for Publicly Eating and Shitting Out Your Own Shame.
December 21, 2008 at 6:07 pm
There should be a lifetime achievement award of some sort for the Malkin, Coulter, and Pantload candidates.
December 21, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I think there should be a new sub-category for biggest group wank regarding secret evidence, and hereby nominate Larry Johnson and the rest of No Quarter for the always-just-around-the-bend secret videos of Michelle Obama.
December 21, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Oh, and writing an entire book called and purportedly about “Liberal Fascism” is hands-down the biggest act of wankery of the year. Close the voting on that category.
December 21, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Just one more thing:
You need to add this to Chickenhawk of the Year:
http://www.zombietime.com/vi_day/
“November 22, 2008 We won. The Iraq War is over. I declare November 22, 2008 to be ‘Victory in Iraq Day.’ (Hereafter known as ‘VI Day.’).”
That whole post is an unreadable disaster of wingnuttery and self-congratulatory chickenhawkery with links to every other link-whoring chickenhawkish wingnut alive, and the comment section is even more self-congratulatory nonsense, mostly “troll-killing” in response to reasonable objections to the whole self-fluffing concept, where the host refers back to the text of his idiotic post as refuting all counter-arguments. shorter zombie: “If you read my 10,000 word and comics and photo-laden post, you’d realize your objections are invalid and have already been refuted. pwnd!”
December 21, 2008 at 7:02 pm
African Press International: For screwing with the heads of so many right thinking conservatives regarding the famed Michelle Obama tapes.
When are they releasing those darn tapes BTW?
December 21, 2008 at 7:06 pm
As penance to anyone who hadn’t already been subjected to Zombie’s glorious e-declaration of victory, here’s a cat in christmas clothes:
http://tinyurl.com/6m599o
December 21, 2008 at 7:35 pm
I’m gonna give the awards to actual people of prominence and influence, not douchebags thrown into the spotlight by their hideous mothers or loudmouthed crackers or self-fellating douchebag lawyers or alcoholic self-fellating law profs or or unemployable empty-headed NRO “writers.”
To that end:
Blankley
Fuck you, Fred Hiatt, for Fluffy
Michael Gerson, now writing on the pages of what used to be an instrument of information, not propoganda/spin. Paglia, ruining an otherwise good site that hosts Glenn G and Tom Tomorrow, and, um, does other things, so I’ve heard. The Washington Pundit and Press Corps can all go to the back of the bread line. And also anything Larry Johnson writes wins him the biggest wank and wanker of 2008. I would say “f off and die,” but I would rather point out that he’s been wrong since summer 2001.
December 21, 2008 at 7:51 pm
FUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOUU
December 21, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Funkhauser has the right idea; no use trolling the lo-traffic blogs for people who were mere Free Republic commenters before the advent of blogspot.
December 21, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Surely there must be some categtory for TIDOS and the saga of his mangled barbecue grill.
December 21, 2008 at 9:20 pm
That’s no way to talk about the Army of Davids. The internets are a democratic medium, the Kippies are open to anyone with an internet connection and a deep-seated pathology stemming from being suckled from a cast-iron replica of Maggie Thatcher. All you elitists will be up against the motherfucking wall when Sarah Palin is in charge.
December 21, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Well then, that gives me a little over four years to destroy all walls.
December 21, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Norbiz struts right by with his tail in the air.
~
December 21, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Shorter Funkhauser: why bother with wingnuts.
Classic question. It is good to mock the wankosphere, even if they don’t have a talk show or column inches in a somewhat respectable rag. Every once in a while one of these dipshits manages to stumble into getting named the blogger of the year by Time magazine, or landing a column in the LA Times, or even coasting through a life of rotating wingnut welfare gigs, where they can then inflict their bilge on a wider audience and move the course of discourse further towards the insane. Or they lead a spurious effort to take some stupid outrage TO THE SUPREME COURT (why are they hiding Obama’s birth certificate?), or boil up some fauxtroversy about a Clinton or an Obama or someone close to Clinton or Obama that forces its way through the Mighty Wurlitzer into the MSM, or manage to intimidate some company to stop saying “happy holidays” (the horrer), or start stalking a family with insufficiently humble countertops.
The world needs a finger or two steadying the Overton Window when a circle jerk of these yokels starts blowing against it in unison.
December 21, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Also, there’s the amusement of mocking them. Can’t forget that.
December 21, 2008 at 11:15 pm
I was referring to the Pink Floyd rock opera, which will endure for eternity.
December 21, 2008 at 11:35 pm
My core philosophy is: “Let’s not call them anything, let’s just ignore them.”
The more Jonah Goldberg was ignored in this world, the better. (Speaking of which, what was the end result of the NRO fundraiser?)
Your tastes may differ.
December 22, 2008 at 8:38 am
Fluffer: oooh, very close race between Baby Hughy and Buttrocket. I’ll go with the latter, but it’s by a (brown)nose.
Definitely going for the Franken’s Very Bad Words for Teardrop.
Easterbrook 6 (”Alien Attacks!”) gets the nod for Bailey.
Soggy Biscuit: Come on, how could you NOT choose the Press Corps? The very definition of wank.
Wank of the Year: Wasn’t Liberal Fascism published last year? If so, then Larry Johnson in a cakewalk.
Palme D’Haire: Lieberman now, Lieberman tomorrow, and Lieberman forever!
December 22, 2008 at 10:14 am
[...] In other news, some more end of the year award nominees can be found here. [...]
December 22, 2008 at 10:20 am
Agree with forked tongue — Paglia deserves a Fluffy nomination for her Palinolatry.
December 22, 2008 at 10:44 am
Sarah Palin for the Palm de Haire.
Still musing on the other categories.
.
December 22, 2008 at 10:45 am
Moderation? Really?
I didn’t even fucking cuss.
.
December 22, 2008 at 11:34 am
Oh, and Geraldine Ferraro, winner of this year’s Biggest Act of Faux Indignation at Being Called a Racist After Making Blatantly Racist Statements Award.
Or the catchier Purple Teardrop:
“Any time anybody does anything that in any way pulls this campaign down and says, ‘Let’s address reality and the problems we’re facing in this world,’ you’re accused of being racist, so you have to shut up,” she told the Daily Breeze of Torrance, California. “Racism works in two different directions. I really think they’re attacking me because I’m white. How’s that?”
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/03/11/ferraro.comments/index.html
Happily, most of us have forgotten this epsiode. But it was bad. Jonah Goldberg bad.
I’d rather send children to a biology course taught exclusively by Sarah Palin than hear Ferraro discuss race in America ever again.
December 22, 2008 at 11:53 am
How do you ignore a T-Bird colliding headlong into a Camaro and then exploding in a mega-fire? Eastbound and down, loaded up and trucking. That’s why.
December 22, 2008 at 3:08 pm
How is it possible that there is no category to honor Erick Erickson from RedState? And nothing for anyone else at that bastion of neo-fascist idiocy? What’s up with that?
I fear a grave injustice may be in the works.
December 22, 2008 at 3:25 pm
No one can compare to Modern Conservative – “You Are Leonides” for Chickenhawk of the Year. That shit was classic. Still laughing months later.
December 22, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Is Orson Scott Card dead? Or is it Michael Crichton? Getting my fundie sci-fi — excuse me, speculative fiction — writers mixed up.
December 22, 2008 at 4:10 pm
“Purple Teardrop with Clutched Pearls Cluster ”
I don’t know the significance of the above. But I’m ok with the nomination. If it had been about queers wanking on biscuits I would have likely come around and slit your puppies throat.
December 22, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Wank of the Year nominee, from Godlstein:
” Which is why when I talk of Obama’s memoirs, I place “Barack Obama” as literary construct in quotation marks: there is, in any verbal recounting, necessary recourse to narrative technique and tropes — so it is hardly controversial to separate Barack Obama from “Barack Obama” as he exists in words alone.
Where the interest lies is at the point of agency and authorship. For if Bill Ayers has indeed ghostwritten at least portions of Barack Obama’s memoirs, as some are alleging, then it is fair to say that the “Barack Obama” of those memoirs is more even than a construct: he is at least partially a fictional character, given that it is “his” words that ostensibly create “him” — making it follow that, if the words creating him are not his own, then “he” is really a kind of living literary portmanteau, a blend of influences, an ontological hybrid insofar as he exists publicly.”
December 22, 2008 at 6:24 pm
My core philosophy is: “Let’s not call them anything, let’s just ignore them.”
Boy, are you at the wrong blog!
And I second the Lowry nomination for the Fluffy.
December 22, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Ben Shapiro deserves at least an honorable mention for Chickenhawk of the Year:
“Enough of Radical Islam” – http://townhall.com/columnists/BenShapiro/2008/12/03/enough_of_radical_islam
This kid is an up-and-comer, a real future contender. He’s young (not yet 25, I believe), and comitted to seeing other (poorer, dumber) people die for his beliefs. I quote-
“They (The Muslims) will only quit when they are dead. It is our job to make them so, and to eliminate every obstacle to their destruction.
So enough. No more empty talk. No more idle promises. No more happy ignorance, half measures, or appeasement-minded platitudes. The time for hard-nosed, uncompromising action hasnt merely come — its been overdue by seven years. The voice of our brothers blood cries out from the ground.”
I wrote him an e-mail, asking when he’d be volunteering for the Marine Corps. Haven’t heard back, oddly enough. A fella to keep your eye on next year, though.
December 22, 2008 at 6:53 pm
What is the name of the has been blonde hack from SNL you know back when it was painfully unfunny; Victoria Jackson, Veronica Jackson? Whatever, she is back with a vengence apparently trying to get in on the wingnut welfare gravy train with her “Obama is the anti-christ” stchick. If she doesn’t win for best new (old) wingnut there is no justice.
December 22, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Bobo,Friedman and Krauthamer all deserve mentions.
December 22, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Derbyshire certainly deserves a nod for the sticky keyboard award, for his “happy reproductive vigor” quote…
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=ZDY0YmJlZTVjMDU2MTQyODU3ODg0ZTMwZWFmZTFlNTI=
December 22, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Editors, I know you’re ignoring me. But seriously, how does the guy who wrote
this not get the Fluffy nod?:
December 22, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Also, it’d be a crime if Goldfarb didn’t end the night with at least one award in hand–either for most nonsensical insult with “Dungeons and Dragons”; and least convincing defense with ”This is a guy who lived in one house for five and a half years — in prison,”.
The Wesley Clark fiasco merits Orson Swindle and others some award for fastest recovery from the fainting coach to return to the swiftboating lectern.
December 23, 2008 at 4:18 am
“I don’t know the significance of the above. But I’m ok with the nomination.”
(Graeme Bird)
Is this the first time someone has actually come to collect their award at the Toot?
He enquires:
“If it had been about queers wanking on biscuits I would have likely come around and slit your puppies [sic] throat.”
Yes. Yes, it is about that. That’s what it’s for.
My puppies have never felt safer.
In fact, I think they are more than this guy’s match.
December 23, 2008 at 5:30 am
Hmm…
Orsen Scott Card, b/c I’d love to see a Mormon rebellion put down by the National Guard, and its subsequent journalistic review by Gary Brecher.
Andrew Sullivan, b/c it reminds me that he’s a hack and not some kinda bipartisan nonsense.
Kathy Lopez, b/c my local paper carries her column far too often, and that particular 1 is so awful on so many levels that it singularly disproves God’s existence.
Camille Paglia. I’d link to the essay by John Dolan where he shows how she was created, by chauvinist reactionary academics who liked a weird, contrarian catholic girl, but I’m too lazy. Suffice to say Gregg Easterbrook is just a moron while she’s a symbol.
Don’t really have a dog in the group wank category but I’ll go with the Obama as child molester 1 as I have a 40 year old cousin who’s a born again and, though he has a loving family of 3 kids and a dog, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s heard of this – and believed it – and so, this one’s fer him!
My fave category! can I vote fer all of em? But no, I guess, in honor of yr comics, I’ll go with Liberal Facism. The bestest, funniest book after w/e the Onion just put out! Irony is so dead (or is it?).
Hmm, in honor of actual importance it’d be McCain. In honor of social importance it’d be Palin. In honor of fuck that guy I hope he dies in a fire, it’d be Lieberman.
Palin. She might have a future.
December 23, 2008 at 8:03 am
The second item on your “Fluffy” list is misleading. To anyone who doesn’t click the link, it would seem that you’re quoting Andrew Sullivan, whereas the post you link to is actually a comment by one of his readers disagreeing with him, which he chose to air as a dedicated post specifically marked as a dissent.
Making it seem like Sullivan was one of those offering a “disgusting, worshipful” defense of power is highly unfair to Sullivan, as any regular reader of his blog would confirm. Love him or hate him, he’s been one of the most diligent bloggers going after Bush & Co. over their power abuses.
December 23, 2008 at 8:59 am
Geez, digby gives a shout-out to Teh Eds; moving up in the world. Now our fine little Kommentariat pool is gonna get all infected with Jose Chungs and O?O and a bunch of other dorks.
How fleeting our joys.
December 23, 2008 at 9:20 am
Gerson for the Purple. Cheney and Bush both curse like sailors in private and Gerson only found his fainting couch when the WaPo gave him a column. Wanker!
December 23, 2008 at 10:24 am
Do the Golden Winger Awards have theme music? Maybe “Rock You Like a Hurricane?” Or calliope music.
Chickenhawk of the Year: Modern Conservative – Funkhauser makes a good point, but guys like this don’t even have the excuse of being a paid head on the teevee to lure them away from backing up the kind of chickenhawk rhetoric they trade in. Plus, I liked the whole D&D feel to it.
The Fluffy: Buttrocket – He owns this category. Sort of a companion to his “extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius” masterpiece.
Purple Teardrop with Clutched Pearls Cluster: Michelle Malkin – While Jeffrey Scott Shapiro deserves honorable mention, his tears are once removed; he doesn’t mourn and chastise for a slight against him, but against President Short Pants. Malkin’s whinge is more personal, and yet encompasses all of greater wingnuttia and their rage at the threat of being ignored for the kooks they are. Delicious.
The Creamy Baileys: Camille Paglia – Gotta vote for my old prof from the Univ. of the Arts in Philly. I had her for a mass media class for a semester and Shakespeare for another, right when her first book came out (naturally we were subjected to indulgent amounts of it during class). She was as batshit insane (if well read) and self-obsessed in person as you would expect her to be, and clearly hasn’t gotten any better over the years. So, in honor of the category, I will forego the clear and obviously deserving winner (although Easterbrook really should get some kind of Lifetime Achievement Award) and go with my personal choice of the way I’d like things to be.
Soggy Biscuit: PUMAS (not listed) – While the League of Pundits and the Jingosphere (“10-year-old Obama seduced child molesters!!“) are both solid contenders, the whole PUMA rebellion had a wider cast of characters (actual Dems in conjunction with the Jingosphere, with the League of Pundits fanning the flames) and arguably lasted longer than any of the other contestants.
WOTY: Jonah Goldberg, aka the Pantload, aka the Doughy Pantload, aka DoughBob Loadpants, aka Slave Boy, aka Mr. Specious Infotainment, aka Lucianne’s-Shame-If-She-Had-Any – While Awards like this usually pass over early-in-the-year entries, Liberal Fascism towers over a year of spectacular wanking like a Colossus of Stupid. It is, after all, “a very serious, thoughtful, argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care.” All the other WOTY nominees are either off the cuff wanks, impressive in their spontaneity, or new riffs on old melodies, but Liberal Fascism is a magnum dopus born of years of forethought, sweat and cheeto dust. When someone asks, “Were you born stupid, or do you have to work at it?”, Jonah Goldberg can proudly answer, “Both.”
The Palme D’Haire: Sarah Palin – Mis- and uninformed, plastic, evil and with only enough self-awareness to know she’s hot, Our Lady of Wasilla is a Wingnut Goddess and the Patron Saint of the Stupid. The triumph of style over substance, Palin’s mere existence on the national scene has lowered the bar more than any single blogger, politician, pundit or Washington Post Editor could ever hope to. She didn’t win the Human Events “Conservative of the Year” just to take a back seat to those other wankers, y’know. Best In Show.
December 23, 2008 at 10:28 am
Nomination for group wank: Al Franken Is Stealing the Election OMG!!11!
And in biggest single wank, for the win: Ruth Marcus of the Washington Post on how we should prevent torture in the future by not punishing the torturers among us in the present.
December 23, 2008 at 10:57 am
I think it is unfair to always nominate from the big names. The junior wanks deserve attention too.
Best Fluffer and non sequitress: Monica Crowley for saying, in light of the Blagojavich stuff, “You could have had Mr Clean, John McCain, but noooo, you chose Obama.”
Mirror mirror on the wall…: Larry Kudlow for repeating all this past year how the US economy is the “Cinderella economy, the greatest story never told.”
December 23, 2008 at 11:51 am
Sarah Palin, for the biggest single act of wankery, for the “real America” comments.
December 23, 2008 at 11:55 am
Surely Pam Atlas said or did something stupid this year??
December 23, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Kust one question: Doesn’t injecting hard liquor into your penis pretty much invalidate any output from your brain, kemo sabe?
Love your sanctimony btw. Your parochial certainties would make Candide proud, unless Papa Voltaire happened to be reading your, uh, revealed wisdom.
December 23, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Just one question: Doesn’t injecting hard liquor into your penis pretty much invalidate any output from your brain, kemo sabe?
Love your sanctimony btw. Your parochial certainties would make Candide proud, unless Papa Voltaire happened to be reading your, uh, revealed wisdom.
December 23, 2008 at 1:30 pm
InstaPunk is just mad that his wanking post about how much he hates black people didn’t yet earn him a nomination for the Palme d’Haire. Just goes to show that being a racist dick, even on that level, isn’t necessarily qualification to be named the Wanker of the Year. The Palme d’Haire is reserved for those who truly work at their “craft.”
December 23, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I’ve done the research, I’ve followed the links. And I’ve made my selections:
Chickenhawk of the Year: Modern Conservative You are Leonides
The Fluffy: Fred Hiatt,
Clutched Pearls: Michael Gerson: Al Franken used bad words
I thought a lot of entries in this year’s competition were truly inane, but did not quite meet the definition that I understand this honor is intended to recognize. This award goes to the person who does the best job of hypocritically pretending to take offense for the purposes of manufacturing partisan rhetoric of victimization. Michael Gerson is the clear winner.
Creamy Bailey’s: Charlie Daniels.
Biggest Group Wank: The Washington Press Corps
Wank of the Year: Sarah Palin, “Disagreeing with me is unconstitutional.” She does get extra credit for wanking on the big stage.
Which makes her the winner of wanker of the year.
Thanks for your work compiling this year’s nominees.
December 23, 2008 at 2:49 pm
“wanking”?
Brits. The ultimate sissy slang. “Brilliant.” Here you go, Oscar; something to get your arse in a dither:
http://www.instapunk.com/archives/InstaPunkArchiveV2.php3?a=1008
Racist dick? We can’t even hold a candle to the U.K. and its legions of wog snobs.
This is fun. Stupid people who think they’re smart. Our favorite prey.
December 23, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Now, reading through the comments, I wish to second a couple of nominations. Forked Tongue Cites “They called Sarah Palin a pig” as a nominee for the Purple Teardrop. That’s superior to Michelle Malkin’s entry this year.
And Kordo’s nomination of Ben Shapiro’s Enough of Radical Islam for the Chickenhawk of the Year is worthy of consideration. A classic, workmanlike effort from a young man of prime enlistment age.
December 23, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Chickenhawk of the Year – Modern Conservative: By the Power of Greyskull, You Are Leonides
The Fluffy – Assrocket: George W. Bush is Master Orator
Purple Teardrop – Anti-Idiotarian RPG Gamer: Barack Obama is Going to Rape Our White Women, 14/88
The Creamy Bailey – Gregg Easterbrook – Surprise Extra Terrestrial Nuclear Attacks Will Kill Us All
Soggy Biscuit – The Washington Press corps – The 2008 White House Stenographers Circlejerk
Wank of the Year – Jonah Fatberg: Liberal Facism
The Palme D’Haire – Sarah Palin
I want to make a strong case for Palin winning the Palme. Palin’s candidacy was every sweaty warblogger’s ultimate jackoff fantasy. If she didn’t cover their Cheeto stained palms in hair and semen, who else could?
Vote your conscience: Palin for the Palme D’Haire this year.
Editors, please do another surreal bad LSD trip conservoblogger compilation real this year!
Check it out if you didn’t catch this at the last Kippies:
December 23, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Gotta agree with everyone above who say that the other Liberal Fascism really deserves WOTY.
If that whole book was only one sentence, and that sentence was “The white man is the Jew of liberal fascism”, it would still be the wankiest wank of the year.
December 23, 2008 at 6:11 pm
I’m thinking for Soggy Biscuit, rather than the Ayers-ghostwriting thing, the Obama birth certificate wank needs to be nominated. While the Ayers authorship might be more demented, the certificate bruhah involved a bigger group and several law suits, even put up for consideration by the SCOTUS, if memory serves. Grander in scope and substance. Now that’s some group wanking!
December 23, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Otherwise:
Chickenhawk: John Galt, hands down. Now that’s some bravery.
Fluffy- Hiatt. Probably could take the silver and bronze as well.
Teardrop- Shapiro nails the landing on the fainting couch.
Creamy- Charlie Daniels, just cuz he seems like he could use an award for science reporting
Soggy Biscuit- Like above, I nominate Obama’s altered/forged/missing birth certificate. Runner up is League of Pundits/J. Wright.
Wank- Liberal Fascism, so thoughtful and full of care
Palm D’Haire- Jonah “Words have no meaning” Goldberg, in a walk
December 23, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Rich Lowry’s “Projecting through the screen” has got to be included in any Year’s Best category.
It truly is wankerific. If you read it, you know it not only describes the post but likely his actions as well….
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=NDYzMGFiNjQ0MWRjNmI0ZTlkYjgwZTExMjA3MWNiZTk=
December 23, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Also confirming Lowry’s starburst moment deserves kleenex & a winger trophy.
December 23, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Each one of those wanks is as special and perfect as a virgin snowflake. I cannot vote for one.
December 23, 2008 at 8:46 pm
There may never be a better time to use this picture.
December 23, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Wait, nominations are different from voting? I was so misguided!
I’m still trying to parse out: Love your sanctimony btw. Your parochial certainties would make Candide proud, unless Papa Voltaire happened to be reading your, uh, revealed wisdom.
from aforementioned opponent of “wogs” (what’s that? didn’t George Jetson work all day making those?) All I can say is that you have the wrong character from the book.
December 23, 2008 at 9:32 pm
It’s from Martin Prince’s Big Book of Cutting Burns. It’s really meant to be delivered from inside of a gym locker.
December 23, 2008 at 9:59 pm
It’s kind of touching, funkhauser, that you went to the trouble to point that out to him. Prolly a waste of your time, but it’s the effort that counts. (psst, IP! It was Pangloss you’re thinking of; put down the Cliff Notes, and read the book next time.)
No, MH, there will never be a more perfect time to use that picture. Kudos.
Thx for the support, copithorne! Modern Conservative’s “I am Leonides!” ran away with it this year, I think, but “Ol’ Blood-n-Guts” Shapiro is a kid to watch. Slavering bloodlust paired with zero historical context is clearly a potent combination.
December 24, 2008 at 6:01 am
Chickenhawk of the Year – David Horowitz, “Every day is Islamofascism Awareness Week“
The Fluffy – Buttrocket, “Dubya: Master of Public Speaking“
Purple Teardrop – Michelle Malkin, “John McCain won’t return my calls!“
The Creamy Baileys – Camille Paglia, “A new blog will bring scientific rigor to the global warming debate“
Soggy Biscuit – The Washington Press Corps, 2008 White House Correspondents’ Association dinner
Wank of the Year – Jonah Goldberg, Liberal Fascism
The Palme D’Haire – Joe Lieberman
December 24, 2008 at 11:38 am
How did “Joe the Plumber” miss out on being nominated for the coveted Palme D’Haire?
December 24, 2008 at 11:49 am
My votes:
Chickenhawk – Orson Scott Card
The Fluffy – Buttrocket
Purple Teardrop – I’m undecided, and I’m not clicking through to Nice Doggie.
Creamy Bailey – Easterbrook for “Lightspeed Alien Nuclear Death Attack”
Soggy Biscuit – Jingosphere for “Ayer’s wrote Obama’s book”
Wank of the Year – Larry Johnson
Palme D’Haire – write-in for Joe the Plumber