Due to a noticeable increase in the number of ugly children over the years, I have been forced by a concern for the future of the race to have a child*. His name is Lucius Avericious Victor Davis Hanson X, Jr., and he looks what your children would look like, if your children looked less like Mr. Magoo fucked E.T. after a dozen apple-thalidomide martinis.
* Pending test results from tomorrow’s Montel Williams show.
January 20, 2009 at 9:01 pm
There had to be someone who’d try to upstage the new President. Congratulations!
January 20, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Aw. Congratulations. it’s the beginning of a great adventure.
January 20, 2009 at 9:06 pm
This is great news.
January 20, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Congrats Dude! All my previous trolling seems somehow trite in comparison :(
January 20, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Why wasn’t I invited to the baby shower?
January 20, 2009 at 9:37 pm
It’s not like it is a kitten, though. Shouldn’t the names Malfoy and K-lo be in there somewhere?
January 20, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Is it just a coincidence you waited until after Jan 20, 2009?
I bet you did it just to keep your sorry ass out of the kill zone.
January 20, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Are you going to name him/her/it “the Reporters”?
January 20, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Congratulations!
January 20, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Cigars! We demand cigars!
January 20, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Congratulations and best wishes to you and your wife and the little sub-editor, too!
January 20, 2009 at 11:43 pm
I have read and re-read this post, and I determine it to be false.
January 21, 2009 at 1:09 am
Grats to Mr. and Mrs. The Editors!
January 21, 2009 at 1:28 am
babies!
January 21, 2009 at 1:32 am
Yeaaaaah Boi! As flavah flav might say. Nice work captain.
January 21, 2009 at 4:55 am
Congrats.
January 21, 2009 at 5:48 am
Awww…I guess I can hold off on destroying you all. For now.
January 21, 2009 at 6:39 am
Congratulations!
January 21, 2009 at 7:33 am
ET go bone.
January 21, 2009 at 7:58 am
I have read and re-read this post, and I determine it to be false.
I demand a kerningquisition!
January 21, 2009 at 8:18 am
So the homosexual abortion is NOT on our liberal
gayagenda this morning?Okay, scratch THAT item.
More coffee?
January 21, 2009 at 8:56 am
I know I’m not supposed to say this, but what the fuck:
GIT-TAR!
January 21, 2009 at 9:13 am
Congratulations! I’m glad to see your plans for world domination are proceeding apace.
Oh, and I think the name “Kip” is lovely. For either a boy or a girl.
January 21, 2009 at 9:21 am
Wow, awesome news. Good-bye sleep, hello unconditional love.
January 21, 2009 at 9:32 am
Wait … you mean you’re not, you know, gay? With all that Brady/Patriot stuff I just kind of assumed …
Anyway, Congratulations! … the sleep-deprivation portion of your life starts now …
January 21, 2009 at 10:23 am
Big Congratulations to you & the Claw!
Very very happy for you all.
January 21, 2009 at 10:38 am
Congratulations on the arrival of The Assistant Editors!
January 21, 2009 at 11:05 am
Mazel tov, boobie. That’s change we can believe in, my friends.
January 21, 2009 at 11:19 am
Congratulations! I assume this means even fewer posts, but being a dad myself I totally approve.
January 21, 2009 at 11:35 am
grats! i certainly hope that this new individual living in your house won’t somehow get in the way of your posting schedule!!!
January 21, 2009 at 1:42 pm
You’re a liberal, How could this happen? Did he chomp off the end of the curette? Tie the hose in knots?
January 21, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Congrats!!! Send the mommy and baby and kitties my love!!!!! (You’re ok too, dude. :)
January 21, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Apples and thalidomide really don’t go all that well together. The following, however, has been automatically and randomly recommended to me as an excellent martini recipe for conception:
Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)
* McCain: Protecting Pedophiles from Precocious Child Victims
* Boomlet? AP Reports that Births Are at a 45-Year High (by Pastor Steven)
* The greatest love of all
* Newsmy MP3 dolls will entertain, creep out your children
January 21, 2009 at 4:59 pm
A HREF=”http://wwwdelivery.superstock.com/WI/223/519/PreviewComp/SuperStock_519-1548.jpg”>http://wwwdelivery.superstock.com/WI/223/519/PreviewComp/SuperStock_519-1548.jpg
I take it back. You, E-tors, are the martini mix maestro(s)!
January 21, 2009 at 5:00 pm
A HREF=”http://wwwdelivery.superstock.com/WI/223/519/PreviewComp/SuperStock_519-1548.jpg”>oops
January 21, 2009 at 5:01 pm
details, details
January 21, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Oooh, why not bet with John Cole about the Steelers? The loser is forced to name their baby “John Cole’s Superbowl Steelers” should the loser be the Eds.
January 21, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Congratulations!
January 22, 2009 at 9:28 am
In lieu of cigars, some kittens will do, thank you.
January 22, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Which will he get to wear first, the Tigger headdress or the Spidey underwear? (Or, perhaps, the Ken mustache?)
January 22, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Congratulations!
January 22, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Okay, come on, just say it. His actual name is Barack.
January 23, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Congratulations!
January 23, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Congratulations on the birth of the Copy Editors.
January 24, 2009 at 9:55 am
Congratulations!!
Also, you now have a plausible excuse for owning that giant lion plushie.
January 26, 2009 at 6:43 am
Congrats!