Part II (a continuation of Part I)
So later that same evening, I’m outside again still not smoking , but this time with my friend L – she of the long raven hair and the beautiful pale blue eyes who I totally don’t have a crush on and don’t want to make mad, passionate lo…[composes self, waves away the starbursts].
L’s all like, “Hey you do the blogs don’t you.” And I’m all thinking to myself, “Damn girl, is that some type of preemptive strike, rubbing my face in my nerdiness and letting me know that I don’t have a chance to so much as fondle your bags of sand no matter how deleriously drunk we both get tonight.”
So I’m all, “Yeah, I blog…sometimes.”
[Not a trace of chalance in my voice - letting her know that I could walk away from it at any time, and that it's not a major part of my otherwise exciting life, what with the hobnobbing with A-listers like Kiefer Sutherland, and did she want to meet him cause I could totally introduce...]
So then L says: “Well, then maybe you know my new boyfriend” [Hand, figuratively clutching heart, blood draining from face (that last part probably happened in the literal, not figurative, sense)].
I respond: “Maybe,” in as dismissive a tone as possible – because, hey, everyone has a blog these days and why would I know this dork’s blog that’s probably about stupid stuff like his japanese anime porn fetish. And even if he’s a “big” blogger – whatever that means - I can take solace in the fact that because he blogs, he can’t be that far from me on the nerd spectrum-ometer.
That knowledge dulls some of the pain. Not as much as Jamesons shots though. Those work much better. But I’m more of a “both,” not “either or,” kind of guy.
So then she says: “Well, his name is Paul Rieckhoff, have you heard of him.”
And I’m thinking: Fucking fuckity fuck. He’s not a nerd at all, but rather some newfangled warrior poet dude who fights for veterans’ rights and benefits, works for progressive causes and candidates and has otherwise done actual stuff in his life – mostly with his bare hands. He’s wiki-able!
I am, as they say, out of my element.
So for those keeping score, my brother’s pairing up with Kiefer Sutherland on next season’s Dancing with the Stars and my crush is seeing some Manly Man’s Übermensch. As for me, well, all I have is you LilliTootians. And my japanese anime porn blog.
Which is totally just as good.
(curv3ball: making the Toot a little more like Perez Hilton)