Poor, poor GOP. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of greed-addled, bigoted, sociopathic, lizard brains. They’re stupid, and nobody likes them. It’s not because they don’t have one of those trendy black hip-hopsters on their side to lure the kids into the Foley Mobile. It’s not the media’s crusade against Sarah Palin, and it’s not because of mean ol’ Hollywood and its disinterest in Red Dawn Parts II-LXMVI. And it’s definitely not because Republican marketers haven’t figured out what kind of bread goes best with a shit sandwich.
It’s really just that shit doesn’t taste very good, even on brioche. The gay-immigrant-Willie Horton-La Raza-Islamo breath mints just aren’t concealing the aftertaste like they used to. Not when people are losing jobs, homes and 401(k)s in six figure increments. Desperation has focused the collective American palate on the particularly noxious form of GOP governance that mixes rank incompetence, chronic war mongering and blatant moral hypocrisy together with an overriding class warfare fought on behalf of the super-ultra-filthy-haves. What Bush described as his base.
It’s actually a neat racket because its perpetrators can use the term “class warfare” as a cudgel against those that oppose their plans, even though they themselves are the initiators of a class-based agenda that involves crushing organized labor, cutting taxes for the insanely wealthy, opposing social security and health care (and any other program that eases the hardship on working people), privatizing everything, recklessly deregulating various industries in order to help polluters, bankers and other financial industry insiders reap windfall profits while people are poisoned and financial institutions collapse, etc.
The results – predictably – suck balls for everyone but the top .5%. The market crash (and banking crisis) has brought the facade of cards down to reveal the three card monte makers behind the scenes.
But still, the GOP is obsessed with gussying up the pig by finding that winning jingle, that killer 30-second spot, the right accoutrement for shit on rye. So last night they went with the new “talent,” Bobby Jindal, to counter Obama.
Similar to the belief that Sarah Palin would attract women voters because of the uteri in common, the GOP figured it could chisel in on Obama’s popularity by offering up their own melanin-enabled spokesperson. As if it’s all a gimmick.
But what they don’t seem to grasp is that Hillary was popular with women voters because she was smart as a whip, offered a spate of desperately needed progressive policies like health care reform, and, importantly, she was not Bush or Bush’s champion. Palin? Not so much.
Similarly, Obama is a formidable intellect, shrewd politician and gifted orator who people believe will at least make some attempt to soften the rough edges of capitalism. Jindal? Let’s just say that Ace of Fucking Spades is calling Jindal a “dork” after last night’s performance. Being a dork relative to Ace is suicidewatchville.
Promoting Jindal under the pretense that “any ol’ ethnic’ll do” is equal parts patronizing, condescending and daft because, while Jindal is indisputably brown, he still sounded like Urkel – only without Urkel’s je ne sais quoi – reciting a laundry list of Bush/Cheney’s greatest hits.
It’s like the GOP is incorporating the worst aspects of the caricature of affirmative action that they’ve used to drum up resentment over the past few decades: promoting incompetent, untalented individuals based almost entirely on the color of their skin or their gender.
Me? I’ll be having the delicious irony. You dead-enders can enjoy your panini merda.