Now the Dutch are making fun of us. That’s real nice. I really like that. People who dance through tulips in little wooden shoes think we’re pussies. Wonderful. Although, in out defense, terrorists are super scary. They may not have “tanks” or “command and control” or any modern state apparatus like the Serbs had, and your average cub scout could drink them all under the table, but they have a super weapon we’ve never faced before: really big beards. And not just beards: they have mustaches, too. Plus, I hear they believe in magic and that their actions are directed by a magical being who also has a very large beard. So we’re not just facing beards of hair and beard wax and little bits of old food – we’re facing beards of the soul. That’s really formidible, like an invincible army of homeless people, only less organized. We better throw away the Constitution over that and piss our panties in fear if we ever hope to defeat this super enemy which is scarier than everything combined EVAR.