And here I thought Haiti’s cruel fate had much to do with the legacy of slavery, colonial rule and the subsequent quasi-imperial interference from regional powers and monied interests. But alas, there is a simpler explanation. Call it, Beelzebub’s Razor, as explained by Pat Robertson (and really, who better to explain Satan’s M.O. than Pat Robertson):
Christy, something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French, Napoleon III or whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said we will serve you if you get us free from the French. True story. So the devil said okay it’s a deal, so the Hatians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since then they have been cursed by one thing after another. Desperately poor, the island of Hispanola is one side, on the one side is Haiti, on the other side is the Dominican Republic. The Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts et cetera, Haiti is in desperate poverty. They need to have, and we need to pray for them, and out of this tragedy. I’m optimistic something good may come, but right now we’re helping the suffering people and the suffering is unimaginable.
One wonders how large a percentage of the population would constitute a sufficient quorum when seeking to ink a binding contract with Satan. I mean, it seems awfully unfair to the folks that couldn’t attend the meeting, but who were later informed of their eternal damnation by proxy.
Also, why was Satan involving himself on the side of the enslaved in the first place? Seems like the other side of the ledger would be his preferred milieu, but then, I’m probably just forgetting my Frederick Douglass.
January 13, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I just can’t see Ray Wise hanging out in Haiti.
January 13, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Haitians actually had the same idea, just reversed — they joke that Spain sold Haiti to the devil so that they could laud the benedictions placed upon the Dominican Republic (which are literally on the other side of a mountain range on the same island).
January 13, 2010 at 3:29 pm
HA! Silly Haitians. Don’t even know their own history of deal-with-the-Devil making.
January 13, 2010 at 8:10 pm
Well, you know how the Devil is always having you sign contracts on weird paper like a living dwarf and shit, so, you know, it can be hard to look up in the Registrar of Unholy Deeds office, much less read it.
January 13, 2010 at 2:48 pm
http://blog.heritage.org/2010/01/13/amidst-the-suffering-crisis-in-haiti-offers-opportunities-to-the-u-s/
The Heritage Foundation is apparently trying to do everything it can to prove Naomi Klein right.
January 13, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Wait, so all you have to do is strike a deal with old scratch, and you get freed from the most brutal chattel slavery regime in human history?
Congratulations, Pat: you’ve just made the single most compelling argument in favor of satanism that I’ve ever heard.
January 13, 2010 at 4:27 pm
I like the cool insouciance of “Napoleon III or whatever.” The message is: “I’m telling you something that’s complete bullshit, but you’re not going to call me on it because you’re scared, right?” Sure, Napoleon III was born after the Haitian Revolution, but who would care about that except some Liberal New York Jew or something?
January 13, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Why don’t you know, the Devil IS some Liberal New York Jew (or something)!
January 13, 2010 at 7:03 pm
And looks a lot like Al Pacino.
January 14, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Ah, I see you see with the eyes of the undeceived.
January 13, 2010 at 6:50 pm
How many fucking Napoleons were there anyway?
January 14, 2010 at 2:41 pm
At least III.
January 15, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Come on, there were at least XIV.
January 13, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Wait, I thought it was the homos that bring this sort of misery on their nations. I’m confused.
Andy had it right.
January 13, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Amen, brother.
January 13, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Robertson never fails to blame the victims, if he can twist the circumstances in such a way that it meets the approval of all the religious nuts that listen to him (and, trust me, he always can do exactly that).
Simply put, he’s taking a shit on the rubble under which a lot of poor people are buried, people made poor by an economic system of which Robertson not only approves, but is an integral part.
That’s just plain cold and calculating, and cruel.
And people in this country scratch their heads and wonder why the rest of the world hates us?
January 13, 2010 at 6:48 pm
To recap:
1) Haitians [slaves or colonists] made a deal with the devil [whoever] to be out from under the French heel [Napoleon III or whatever] to serve himever in 1791 [or whenever].
2) Haitians [slaves or colonists] revolted and were free.
3) In the ensuing 200+ years, bad shit has happened.
4) It’s [Satanic | Divine] vengeance. QED.
I see no way this argument can possibly be wrong.
January 13, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Old Pat has always been fucking insane. Now, I’m guessing, he’s senile too. But not to worry! We will continue to learn about his finite wisdom until the day he finally croaks. Hallelujah!
January 13, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Say the sacred works / oh praise hail Satan, satan, satan, satan….
January 13, 2010 at 8:28 pm
January 13, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Nicely done.
January 13, 2010 at 10:28 pm
Since you posted Zappa…prof in my music of Zappa class 2 days ago played the full 15 minutes of this 22 yr old nobody FZ getting himself onto the Steve Allen show in 1963. Worth watching all 4 parts to see the full bit.
January 13, 2010 at 10:42 pm
oops, guess there are only 3 parts in this upload.
January 14, 2010 at 6:55 am
there are 4 parts. part 4 is the same as part 3, but includes about 30 extra seconds of steve talking about the music’s similarity to another guest’s musical side project; then the clip ends just after a station break is announced.
January 13, 2010 at 9:21 pm
You people are all crazy. Pat Robertson is the model of health, both mental and physical. Haven’t you heard of his miraculous age-defying shake? It allows him to leg-press 2000 lbs. That’s a pound for every year since Jayzus! Top that, you filthy heathens!
p.s. I bet he could think 2000 lb thoughts as well.
January 14, 2010 at 9:22 am
I be his brain is a 2000 lb piece of shit, just like his soul.
January 14, 2010 at 7:11 am
note: he is not referring to god’s wrath, but a devil’s curse (not that it makes his superstitious opinion of world events any more palpable or worthwhile).
the cbn website has posted a followup statement to the broadcast.
http://www.cbn.com/about/pressrelease_patrobertson_haiti.aspx
cbn is sending humanitarian aid to accompany the millions of dollars in medicine already shipped.
January 14, 2010 at 10:01 am
It is good that other Christians are obeying the teaching of their god and are sending humanitarian aid to Haiti.
The issue at hand is Robertson and, as you note, his “superstitious opinion”.
The CBN website only states Robertson did not mean the earthquake was “God’s wrath”, it says nothing denouncing the idiotic idea of anyone making a “pact with the devil”. In fact, the post states, “His comments were based on the widely-discussed 1791 slave rebellion led by Boukman Dutty at Bois Caiman, where the slaves allegedly made a famous pact with the devil in exchange for victory over the French. This history, combined with the horrible state of the country, has led countless scholars and religious figures over the centuries to believe the country is cursed”. This is a distinction without a difference. Robertson and all other “countless scholars and religious figures over the centuries” are fools more obsessed with their own racism than logic or objective reality.
January 14, 2010 at 6:18 pm
After raping little old ladies for hundreds of millions, Pat Robertson tosses a bone to the riff-raff. How quaint.
January 14, 2010 at 10:54 am
R.I.P. Teddy Pendergrass
January 14, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Pat’s New Dress
January 14, 2010 at 6:05 pm
How we treat Haiti.
January 14, 2010 at 10:29 pm
Why do I hear Richard Pryor’s ghost shouting Niggah! Niggah! Niggah! It’s just me, all sick and wrong, but I also see him swinging a miniature Pat R over his head like a chicken who’s neck he’s snapping the spin-twist way.
And then we smoke dah ganj and play poker wid duh debbil…
January 15, 2010 at 3:12 pm
We are Avatar this is our flag,