The Nation asks various representatives of the sorts of people who might read The Nation what they think of Obama after a year. It’s like going to Baskin-Robbins, if instead of 31 flavors of ice cream they sold 31 flavors of meh. What kind of meh are you? I could make an internet quiz, and you could find out if you’re a James Carr, or a Chris Bowers or just a worthless panty-waste failure like Coach always said you would be. I could make a quiz like that, I have the technology, but I’m busy sobbing on an autographed picture of Craig T. Nelson for reasons which do not concern you. So no quiz.
I don’t blame/praise Obama for shit that is, Constitutionally speaking, the Congress’ job. The health care bill(s), the stimulus, etc. – I don’t know how much of his weight he’s thrown behind any of these, and neither do you, and I don’t have a Quantum Universe Simulator to calculate how much better everything would be if only he’d done x more than the unknown amount he’s done already on these things, and neither do you. You don’t even have an iPad. And the President can’t make recessions go away by wishing extra-hard, and he can’t be in every airport around the world looking out for losers who light their pants on fire. Maybe this is a bit simplistic. Maybe you’d be happier reading Einstein and Spinoza and Socrates’ super awesome an insightful group blog The Super Insightful Brainiac Foundation Report, but you can’t because they’re dead, likely due to my foolishness. But I’m alive, so you can have my opinion instead.
1. Domestic Presidenting – D+/C-.
F for civil liberties. F. Eff. Ephffpf. I realize that doing more would be very hard, but if you didn’t want to do hard things you should have run for Regional Assistant Interim President In Training or something. So this is sort of a case where you either get an A or an F, and you didn’t get an A. How about an F+? Is that better? That’s not even a real grade, but you can have it. Because you earned it!
B for other stuff. The EPA lets states regulate CO2, and may do something nationally. So that’s something. Also, no one in the Obama administration has been indicted for gross treason yet, and Joe Biden hasn’t shot some old guy in the face while drunk hunting and then made the guy apologize on TV for it yet, so that’s just awesome. I’m grading on a curve because I have to.
2. Furren Affairs – C+
Obama has not unshit the bed in Iraq, or Afghanistan, because you can’t. I like that we have timetables, but I don’t like that I don’t believe they’re really real. OTOH, he’s a darn good spokesmodel for America, and that does actually matter. So, again, there is somewhat of a curve here, but that’s the standard that has been set.
Overall – C
The very definition of meh. Pam Atlas’s disturbing vlogs are on one side, Airwolf is on the other, and Obama is right in the middle. Which reminds me: you can now stream Airwolf on Netflix. Or, to put it another way: every second of your life up to now has been a second you could have been streaming Airwolf on Netflix, but didn’t, and is a second of your life you have, therefore, wasted. And if Obama wants to get out of the meh, his SOTU better go a little something like this: