I gather that the new health care bill does not require insurers to cover Chronic Butthurt Syndrome (CBS):
GOP senators emerged Monday to caution that the health debate had taken a toll on the institution, warning of little work between parties the rest of this year.
“There will be no cooperation for the rest of the year,” McCain said during an interview Monday on an Arizona radio affiliate. “They have poisoned the well in what they’ve done and how they’ve done it.”
“BAWW,” added the Arizona Senator and former Presidential candidate. ”My friends, BAAAAAWWWWWWW.” This is because Democrats used a highly obscure and controversial parliamentary maneuver known as “voting a bill into law,” rather than just having the President issue signing statements as called for in the Constitution. As a result: Adolph Hitler, Stalin, death camps, the collapse of the economy, doctors cruelly whipped with wet noodles, Alan Ginsberg coaching the 8th grade varsity football team, die grandma die, ladies with hairy armpits, Charlie Manson, and the End of the World. Did I leave anything out? Oh, yes, baby killers, faggots and niggers. Naturally.
What have we learned? Well, if democracy is the best system of government ever invented, all other systems of government must involve dipping my testicles into a Fry-O-Lator. Watching laws being made is much like watching your parents make love: psychologically damaging, grotesque, awkward, full of screaming, recriminations, unorthodox maneuvers, cynical and manipulative displays of pantomime passion, and threats to take one’s balls and go home; but the results, while certainly imperfect, are probably worth all the unpleasantness. And why do you suppose God gave you a perfectly good set of eyelids? Use ‘em.
Up next: Bride of the Health Care Zombie, and Git Yer Gubbmint Hands Off My Bank Bailout. If you need me, I’ll be in the cough syrup aisle.

March 22, 2010 at 7:46 pm
“Butthurt” is Gen X’s single greatest contribution to the English language. An expression born of genius.
March 22, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I want to see McCain wearing Dave Davies’ sideburns and glasses. That would be a true showing of bipartisanship.
March 22, 2010 at 7:54 pm
I think this is my fave Theeds epistle ever.
“Watching laws being made is much like watching your parents make love”
Way superior to the famous Bismark sausage quote on the topic.
March 22, 2010 at 8:08 pm
LOL! Enjoy it boys. This is as good as it’s ever gonna get. Write it down.
And I’m A SUPPORTER!
IE, it’s nice to gloat, but not so much when you don’t really hold a political majority.
The ‘Sheeple’ have yet to be convinced. Believe me.
March 22, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Not to niggle (not that I’m racist!) but there were never any unorthodox maneuvers when my parents made love (the two times that were necessary to conceive me and my sister.
March 22, 2010 at 9:28 pm
I loves the Editors. Not the first time (and far from the last, I hope) that a bit of analysis cleverer than most made me laugh till I cried. More please!
March 22, 2010 at 11:31 pm
I don’t care if the new health care bill murders puppies by igniting them with flaming kittens lit with baby oil. Baby oil made from human babies.
It’s worthwhile, for the comedy. Republicans threatening to withdraw their cooperation is the funniest shit I have heard in a decade.
March 23, 2010 at 4:19 am
@Kleber
A fine example of nuance, eloquence and sensitivity. A shining example of everything to be admired in Liberalism and Progressive-ism. That is to say, nothing.
March 23, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Hey, when did the Editors get a troll?
March 24, 2010 at 10:02 am
This is the rare preemptive russian doll troll. A troll within a troll, within a troll, within…
March 24, 2010 at 9:56 am
?
March 23, 2010 at 7:01 am
BWAH!!! Thank you thank you thank you for the cackle! I so needed that.
March 23, 2010 at 9:09 am
So rarely has such a careful projection of the long-term electoral ass-kicking that the GOP will receive, been revealed in the psychosis of the Republican Captains of a sinking ship. David Frum doesn’t even want to wear his lipstick anymore. It really is the notes that they don’t play.
Hilarious post. Hope this goes in the squeek-quel to LibFas.
March 23, 2010 at 9:19 am
I’m a so a scurd of the Republican Dream Team11!
Paul Ryan the giant talking testicle/five-term “new-comer”
Eric Cantor – what the fuck are you?
Steve King – What the fuck are you?
Michelle Bachmann-Turner-Overkill – Poorman’s Palin
Palin – Quayle in Drag
Romney – Boring Reagan doll running against himself at every turn, pursued by a deranged ex-state trooper, what could go wrong?
Rick Perry – Bush’s retarded little cousin
Rove – Never lost anything he couldn’t steal.
Tim Pawlenty – Shaking in my boots that Lincoln Chaffee’s deranged sister will out-shine Barack Obama.
Lynn Cheney – Darth Maul
STAR POWER!
March 23, 2010 at 12:00 pm
The sad thing is, by all rights this should be Romney’s moment of maximum triumph. A Democratic, allegedly liberal administration just enacted under the banner of “health care reform”, a package that is the obvious lineal descendant of Romney’s Massachusetts plan, which itself was the clear heir to the GOP’s fake-ass “counter-proposal” to Clintoncare back in 1994.
The man should be taking a victory lap, but instead the internal dynamics of his own party demand that he decry the Obama bill as the end of democracy itself. And the hell of it is, it won’t be enough: at the end of the day, we’re still another generation (at least) from the GOP’s evangelical bloc being willing to accept that the Mormon church is anything other than rank apostasy.
Pass the popcorn, 2012 is gonna be awesome.
March 23, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Romney’s just biding his time, Utah gets an extra vote in 2012 thanks to the population boom.
March 23, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Well, if democracy is the best system of government ever invented, all other systems of government must involve dipping my testicles into a Fry-O-Lator.
This line has made me laugh throughout the day.
Adding: not only “democracy” but our fucked up version of “democracy” that everyone else throughout history has taken one look at and decided to go the way of decadent Euro democracy.
March 23, 2010 at 7:11 pm
“there will be no more cooperation on anything else,” AS IF there has been any so far.