I for one welcome our new chicken-based economy. Here’s a special insider tip for Tootizens: the buzz on The Street is that it’s time to begin diversifying your portfolio by investing in those new fangled derivative securities that the young folk are calling “eggs.” They’re all the rage.
Pass the drank.
April 21, 2010 at 8:19 am
My dentist left Mexico because he was tired of being paid in chickens. Looks like he could have saved himself a trip.
April 21, 2010 at 8:25 am
Cool. I assume she’s going to require Citibank to allow doctors to make their student loan payments in eggs as well?
April 21, 2010 at 8:41 am
You know, before we all started having health care, in the olden days, our grandparents, they would bring a chicken to the doctor.
This is–and people of good will may of course disagree–the stupidest thing said by a human being since 1457. “Before we all started having health care” alone qualifies for the honor. “They would bring a chicken to the doctor” is lagniappe. I’m turning off my computer for five hundred years. I’m done.
April 21, 2010 at 9:13 am
“Before we all started having health care” alone qualifies for the honor
Good God! I was so distracted by her waving a chicken over her head that I kind of missed the significance of that.
Make it a double.
April 21, 2010 at 11:47 am
This lady does a clean job of getting them to market:
April 21, 2010 at 11:55 am
Maybe my doctor has some calculus problems he needs solved or is in need of some used vacuum tubes. Won’t hurt to ask!
April 21, 2010 at 12:30 pm
My grandparents could afford to pay the doctor in cash because they lived before Nixon created the Health Insurance Industry that we are cursed with today. Fried a mean bird in their day too.
April 22, 2010 at 11:53 am
Then the guv intervened and added that dreadful blackberry cobbler tax.
Wolverines!
April 21, 2010 at 12:49 pm
The Dregs of the Earth and the Eggs that I Eat
I got pegs through my hands and one through my feet.
Also, dropping science like Galileo dropped the orange, too.
April 21, 2010 at 1:17 pm
The cool of getting it is immediately undone by the anticool of jumping up and down hollering “Hey everyone! I got it!”
April 21, 2010 at 2:13 pm
The conservation of teh coolniss under the Getting-it Lagrangian?
April 21, 2010 at 3:40 pm
At first I thought dumb for not getting it. Then I Googled it. Now I feel smart for not getting it.
April 22, 2010 at 8:36 am
I still don;t get it. How cool is that?
April 22, 2010 at 9:26 am
robotslave, I was actually sitting down, enjoying the reference, when I made my “I got it” comment. But since this clearly concerns you in ways that I as a mere mortal can hardly comprehend, could you write out, at length, your personal code of being cool, and I swear, honest, I’ll adopt the entire code as my own, so as to avoid any further awful situations where I may inadvertently violate your rules for cool. And please be quick, because the anxiety of offending you again is making me very uncomfortable.
April 22, 2010 at 9:59 am
I think we should write one out democratically. The Poor Man Scout Code of Cool Honor.
As a young man, my former Scoutmanster, spoke these brave bold words:
April 21, 2010 at 4:13 pm
This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, my brother’s crazy – he thinks he’s a chicken.”
The doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?”
The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.”
April 21, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Via TPM:
April 21, 2010 at 7:38 pm
I’ll pay $100 cash money for this colonoscopy! Okay, then, how about $120? That’s my last offer.
April 22, 2010 at 6:24 am
Silly, you sell TICKETS to it to pay for it.
Works for me!
Vive La Bourse Libre!
April 22, 2010 at 10:15 am
I had a colonoscopy a few years ago. The don;t knock you out so much as they Valium or Quaalude you to the max so you’re nice and relaxed and… anyway, I woke up and was enjoying this way cool PBS show on the Human Alimentary Canal, then I realized I was the show.
My point? Barter by drugs is the most efficient currency.
April 22, 2010 at 11:14 am
yeah kenmeer that was my experience. The guy started me talking about where I golf, and I said it was a nice 9 hole course near my house and … then I woke up and they told me in a few more minutes I could suit back up and go. Almost as soporific as watching it, is talking about golf.
“Hey, this is tiger, your ass is mine.”
April 22, 2010 at 11:46 am
If we folded and spliced this in a good spliff, tiny angels would be playing golf inside my butthole.
I always wanted to see a golf fashion show where pudgy guys stomp the runway in spiked wingtips and wade nonchalantly yet haughtily through water-and-sand traps.
Lindsey Graham just creamed his Calvin Klein Depends.
April 22, 2010 at 2:42 pm
As Holly Beth Vincent says:
“Life without drugs is a drag drag drag drag, life without drugs is a drag, so let’s do it up baby, yeah yeah yeah…”
Ghost/ Minnesota California
April 22, 2010 at 9:03 am
Was that chicken paid in scratch feed? Or school voucher punchouts?
April 21, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Wheel. Again a jackass without a clue.
Simple test without a clue, what if you gave teeth to that thing?
Awesome website, can I just put my FaceBook(tm) man, I feel all sell-out if I did that.
What? Cass County seems okay with it..
April 22, 2010 at 6:56 am
This is the person beating Harry Reid in the polls? Oy.
April 22, 2010 at 9:05 am
The saddest thing is that feeble Dems have provided good compost for these fungal Reps.
April 22, 2010 at 9:26 am
My dentist told me that one of her patients walked into her office one day with a duck in a carrier that he had rescued from an outdoor market. He warned everyone in the office to stay away from his duck because it was nasty and vicious. He set the duck down at the foot of the chair, and when she was finished working on him she took off his paper bib and saw that his tee shirt said “Sic My Duck.”
April 22, 2010 at 11:40 am
There *are* laws against this sort of thing, you know.
Get thee to a punnery!
April 22, 2010 at 11:51 am
This could be a boon for software developers. Make a deal for care in exchange for code, add in “unforeseen” delays and cost overruns, charge for training and tech support, and by the time all that’s done you need 2.0, which is the same fucking thing with half the features re-broken and a talking paper clip. I’ll walk in with a headache and leave with a bionic arm. Seriously, if you think HMOs are unethical, just you wait.
April 22, 2010 at 12:00 pm
I walked in with a talking paperclip and left with a sprechgesanging chicken. Ah, the free market!
April 22, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Think I’m kidding?
My snake wants to marry your chicken!
April 22, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Holy shit.
April 22, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Jack Bauer would pay for his root canal by SAVING THE COUNTRY. No doctor would refuse that, surely.
April 22, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Any pwoggie liberal Democratic Obamatic dentist would in a heartbeat. Srsly.
April 22, 2010 at 6:51 pm
Music on the elevator to Hell:
http://www.myvideo.de/watch/2867756/biervampir_lied
April 22, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Even by amateur garage band standards, this solo at 1:25 might be the worst ever recorded. Which is why it’s awesome.
April 22, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Sounds like that cat’s amp needs some a couple of new tubes. Literally and figuratively.
April 22, 2010 at 7:41 pm
This Lokalcowboy aus Wien ist fucking awesome.
April 22, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Both chickens and eggs are excellent sources of protein. And proteins are what’re getting smashed in the LHC. Now, if both one chicken and one egg were accelerated to 100.00001% of light speed, which would have come first?
April 23, 2010 at 7:33 am
I would have.
April 22, 2010 at 11:07 pm
April 23, 2010 at 6:46 am
April 23, 2010 at 9:24 am
Duh, you can’t just bring live poultry into your hospital and assume a substantial discount. Watching this short video enabled me to save over 20% on a recent kidney operation.
April 23, 2010 at 5:46 pm
Lord. Some stupid people can’t even kill a chicken humanely, and so of course they make a vid of it saying this is euthanasia at its finest.
April 23, 2010 at 8:42 pm
What do I get for this rooster seaman?
April 25, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Eggs.
Think of them as buying chicken futures.