Rupert’s Print Version of Fox News had a truly terrifying headline and lede about the failed Times Square bomber, summed up thusly: Had the bomb gone off, mass destruction would have ensued (with pictures too!):
Thankfully, it didn’t go off as planned.
A secret FBI test of a correctly made version of the Times Square bomb revealed that it “would have killed thousands of people” if it had been made to explode as terrorists had intended, law-enforcement sources told The Post yesterday.
Had he built the Times Square device the way he had originally intended to, terrorist Faisal Shahzad, would have turned his SUV and nearby vehicles into a fatal spray of razor-sharp fragments and transformed building windows into glass guillotines hurtling to the streets, cutting down hundreds of people walking by.
APSecret tests show the bomb Faisal Shahzad left in Times Square…would have dwarfed the Oklahoma City blast. [...]“It would have been the biggest thing ever to happen in this country since Sept. 11,” another source said.“It definitely would have been bigger than [the 1995] Oklahoma City” bombing of the federal building that killed 168 people, the source said. “There would have been a lot of casualties.”
“People would also have been stomped to death from running away. It would have been panic. The buildings would have been severely damaged.”
One source added: “If you look at the four corners [near the bomb] that night, there could easily be 500 people between 20 to 30 feet from the car. [...]
The results of the explosive test were sobering — showing that Shahzad was on track to becoming the biggest individual mass murderer in US history, several sources said.
Scary, bedwetting, nightmarish stuff. And just think, there are still some Americans that don’t want to pick random Muslim countries to invade and some that still have quaint qualms about torturing and indefinitely detaining random Muslims, just in case.
But, really, the story is a non-story because of this:
Shahzad’s homemade bomb — on which he substituted less effective, cheaper components for the more expensive and deadly components he had planned to use — was left in the back seat of his parked SUV in the middle of Times Square, where it smoldered but failed to detonate.
So, yeah, had the bomb gone off, not much would have happened because while he might have planned to build a really awesome super destructive bomb, he basically used “bottle rockets and Miracle-Gro.” In fact, those advanced components and high grade explosive material that the Feds substituted for their test are hard to come by, and that kind of makes all the difference in the world. From a separate article:
New York Police Department bomb experts later determined Shahzad had used a type of fertilizer that wasn’t volatile enough to explode like the ammonium nitrate grade fertilizer used in previous terrorist bombings. Kelly said Tuesday that investigators believe Shahzad purposely “dumbed down” the bomb — using the less potent fertilizer and M88 firecrackers — to avoid detection.
For the test, the officials said the investigators also used a Pathfinder but rigged it with the higher grade fertilizer and more sophisticated components. Four other vehicles were positioned around the car bomb in positions replicating cars in an adjacent traffic lane and parking spots in Times Square.
So, yeah, be afraid, be very afraid. If he had built a really lethal bomb that worked instead of the dud he patched together with bubble gum and duct tape, the bomb would have blown up a lot of people. But he didn’t because real bomb materials are hard to come by without being detected, and building it would be hard even with the right ingredients.

July 21, 2010 at 9:25 am
and even so, we’re supposed to believe a car bomb at a busy intersection might kill as many people as died in the WTC? What the fuck was he trying to build, a nuke?
July 21, 2010 at 9:28 am
also, too, fucking amateurs.
July 21, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Yeah a carbomb, at an intersection. Not a fucking RENTAL TRUCK packed to the gills with pure NH4NO3, driven right to the base of a big ass building.
Uh huh. Tell me another one.
July 21, 2010 at 1:18 pm
You mean a van? you mean explosives? you’re telling me a van full of explosives is going to do as muich damage as two FUCKING AIRLINERS that entirely demolished TWO FUCKING SKYSCRAPERS.
See, it’s all about which things you choose to capslock.
July 21, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Fuck, remember how well the last Ryder truck full of fertilizer worked?
July 21, 2010 at 1:25 pm
OK, a Hyundai packed with PTN exploding in the middle of Time Square would probably kill about a hundred people, true. Not only that the big hole it would make in the pavement would probably make any number of well-coiffed network newscasters late for work, and be worth a year of lamentations about How Dreadfully Terrifyingly Inconvenienced They Were for Weeks on End!!!
July 21, 2010 at 1:28 pm
I accept hundreds. I do not accept: “A secret FBI test of a correctly made version of the Times Square bomb revealed that it ‘would have killed THOUSANDS of people’ if it had been made to explode as terrorists had intended, law-enforcement sources told The Post yesterday.”
July 22, 2010 at 5:45 am
And, and a Hyundai stuffed with PTN and completely surrounded by densely packed people in a nice spherical ball around it could, technically, kill about 8000 people by my calculations. See? See?
July 26, 2010 at 5:42 pm
But we should all be grateful that he couldn’t get his hands on 145lbs of highly-enriched uranium and a 155mm M1 howitzer barrel as then he could have built the device he realy wanted to.
July 21, 2010 at 10:52 am
Murdoch,
“Never let facts get in the way of scaring the shit out of people about brown people.”
So, laws made it more difficult for this guy to get more volatile materials. LAWS!
Hell, where’s the fun in laws?
There’s no blood.
No guts.
No vomit.
No electric shocks.
No beatings.
No forced positions.
No sexual degradation.
No orifices probed and brutalized.
No screaming.
No begging.
No praying to die.
See?
No fun!
Laws! Harumph…
July 21, 2010 at 12:59 pm
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1296282/I-dosing-How-teenagers-getting-digitally-high-music-download-internet.html
Bless this Press. Thay art duning are tha Write refudiating!!1!
July 21, 2010 at 1:18 pm
Yeah we should make using the internet to download ‘Semuta music’ illegal too. As bad as butyrolactone.
July 21, 2010 at 6:02 pm
In 1978 or so I had a vinyl LP called Pythagoras, I think, electronic frequencies advertised as “music to get you high.” I did get a mild buzz if I was totally relaxed, in the dark, with headphones.
But you can get the same effect from lots of drone trance music, like the African Gnawa stuff, if you’re receptive enough.
July 21, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I await with amoral psychotic eagerness the first Fart Bomb Terrorist. Wait… was that what that Underwear Bomber guy was about?
Ingenious. Swallow plastic balloons filled with nitroglycerin, then…
July 21, 2010 at 4:40 pm
No need for nitro, just lift a leg light the fucker.
July 21, 2010 at 4:41 pm
and light the fucker.
Pffft.
July 21, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I especially love the fact that farts are a form of fertlizer.
July 21, 2010 at 2:05 pm
The important part:
Kelly said Tuesday that investigators believe Shahzad purposely “dumbed down” the bomb — using the less potent fertilizer and M88 firecrackers — to avoid detection.
It wasn’t just “luck” that this bomb didn’t kill anyone.
July 21, 2010 at 3:16 pm
All I know is, Shahzad is damn lucky that I wasn’t there, if I still had my nunchucks.
July 22, 2010 at 5:33 am
“In a related story, simulations showed that if those annoying kids next door had successfully shot off a nuke instead of the firecrackers they were playing with, the death toll would be enormous.
They will now be transferred to Gitmo and spanked severely.”
We can all count our lucky stars that the FBI is *so* perceptive. And that few islamic terrorists are named McGyver. Also.
July 22, 2010 at 6:50 am
They will now be transferred to Gitmo and spanked severely
I think you mean “have their testicles crushed by John Yoo.” But otherwise, yeah.
July 22, 2010 at 7:10 am
As Papa John says, the best ingredients make the best pizza.
July 22, 2010 at 7:33 am
And if he had been exposed to gamma radiation and turned into an invulnerable, immensely strong, green behemoth, he would have raged through downtown New York City destroying everything in his path.
And if Rupert Murdoch published a responsible newspaper, we might even be better informed after reading it.
July 22, 2010 at 10:05 am
Had McGruber succesfully incorporated the Q-tip, wad of gum and empty pop can he would have saved the day.
July 22, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Omigod what a close call!
Imagine if he had wanted a nuclear weapon?
Then hypothetically he could have killed millions!
July 22, 2010 at 7:06 pm
…and if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle!
In other news, sun rises in east…
July 23, 2010 at 1:02 am
I seem to recall Murdoch’s father, also a ‘journalist’, wrote similarly hysterical and over-the-top articles about the British participation in the Gallipoli invasion. I guess it runs in the family. Scum.
July 26, 2010 at 7:58 am
I’m amused that the most damning criticism by media and commenters seems to be that it wasn’t a sufficiently “professional” act.
Americans don’t care to be blown away by the low rent brigade, I suppose.
July 27, 2010 at 3:03 pm
My gods. Imagine what would have happened had he had access to the Death Star’s Super Laser. He could have destroyed the entire planet!