The Poor Man Institute

Yeah, but did they check the kerning on the Koran?

It’s the Evangelical Rathergate! Ergun Caner is an evangelical apologist who rose to fame after 9-11 on the strength of his biographical narrative: raised as a devout Muslim, he spent his youth as a would-be jihadist until he accepted Christ. He parlayed that story, and his credentials as an authority on Islam, into a speaking and writing career before becoming Dean of Liberty University’s seminary. But an investigation reveals that a lot of the story is fictional.

What makes this story so interesting is that he’s terrible at playing a Muslim. Or, more accurately, that he got as far as he did while being so terrible. Check out these videos, posted by one of the bloggers who’s been on this for a while: he gets the Shahada wrong. He thinks there are 40 days in Ramadan. He confuses “insha’Allah” and “alhumdulillah.” The Christian equivalent would be like saying Jesus rose on Christmas– just a straight-up, WTF howler to anyone who’s even casually Muslim.**

Dude, even I know what insha’Allah means and I’m not pretending to be a former Moslem brainwashed terrorist disciple.  Though from what I gather, the pay sure is better.  

In terms of tells, check out how rapidly he speaks his Arabic version of the Shahada – like he know’s if anyone’s really listening, they’ll spot the fraud.

I don’t know what’s worse: that this charlatan conned so many “theologists” by stroking their confirmation bias and assorted bigotries, or that, even now, some defend him as the authentic article despite the heft of evidence against that conclusion.  Like cognitive bigotry.

(The conversation below is based on actual events. I’m pretty sure.)

General COIN Tosser:  So I have this fancy newish military doctrine that could come in mighty handy if you’re trying to pacify a rebellious foreign population - if you’re into the whole neo-colonial thing.

Obama Administration:  I’m listening.

General COIN Tosser:  Well, it’s called counterinsurgency doctrine, but since we’re the military, we acronymize it as “COIN.”  Shiny and new, huh?

Obama Administration:  Like a medal.  Ooh, if we try it, do we get to call it a “surge”?

General COIN Tosser:  Sure do, and the press will love it, but the whole process is designed to take a couple of decades, requires a shit-ton of soldiers and is guaranteed to chew up a few trillion dollars in the process.  But on the upside, after all is said and done, we’ll have at least a 50-50 chance of success.

Obama Administration:  Hard to argue with those odds.

General COIN Tosser:  I’d say it’s a bargain.  But it is a bit of a temperamental mistress, and will require a strong yet pliable central government in the occupied territory, yet one that enjoys popular support and legitimacy in the eyes of the locals.

Obama Administration:  Wouldn’t those contradict each other most of the time?

General COIN Tosser:  Please don’t interrupt.

Obama Administration:  I’m sorry, I forgot my place.

General COIN Tosser:  Also, too, it won’t work if the insurgents have a foreign patron capable of providing arms, funding and/or safe haven.  And we’ll have to develop expertise in the local culture and people.  But otherwise, a couple of decades, a few trillion dollars, and we’ll have at least a…er…coin toss chance of success. But the locals get the final vote.  Which they kind of did in the beginning, and all along, really.

Obama Administration:  I see.  But in Afghanistan the central government is corrupt, weak and unpopular - in fact, rule via a centralized government isn’t typical for Afghanistan historically speaking; Pakistan is providing support and safe haven for insurgents; We lack any sort of granular knowledge of the local culture and people, oh, and you’ll only have 18 months, not 18 years, to pull it of.  So what do you say?

General COIN Tosser: …

Obama Administration: …

General COIN Tosser:  Cakewalk.

And they all lived happily ever after.