On video Barbie it turns out. Despair:

As I’m sure most of you are aware, the Mattel Corporation has recently issued a new Barbie doll–just in time for the Christmas holidays–that constitutes both a moral outrage and an existential threat to our culture at large.  I am speaking, of course, of the new “Video Girl” Barbie, a doll that features a tiny camera implanted in Barbie’s necklace and an LCD screen embedded in her back.  The idea is to encourage little girls to make their own movies with the Barbie doll camera and then, using a simple software package, edit the movies and share them with friends online.  I am certain I do not need to point out just how monumental a threat this technology presents, not only to the little girls who might use it, but to the nation as a whole.  For it would seem a video camera is not the only thing “hidden” in this doll.  In the wrong hands, “Video Girl” Barbie has the potential to unleash a most heinous, disgusting, and destructive force, one that continues to prey on our youngest and most vulnerable citizens.  I am speaking, of course, about the monstrous threat posed by feminine creativity.

Go forth and receive your instruction.

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