Not that it was ever in doubt but the Contract with America 2.0: This Time We Really Mean It is chock full o’ teh stupid.  Adam Serwer examines just a portion (you have to take the thing in small doses lest you gouge both your eyeballs out and eat ‘em out of spite):

• Keep Terrorists Out of America: We will prevent the government from importing terrorists onto American soil. We will hold President Obama and his administration responsible for any Guantanamo Bay detainees they release who return to fight against our troops or who have become involved in any terrorist plots or activities.

Interesting idea. First off, there are already 359 convicted terrorists on American soil, 240 of which the government says have ties to international terrorism. That’s more than the number of accused terrorist detainees at Guantanamo Bay prison, which currently number at 174. Are the GOP going to deport all the ones who are currently here? Guantanamo is also a huge money hole. It costs 16 million dollars a year to maintain the detention camp in Cuba, 650,000 dollars a year per prisoner. By contrast, it takes 27,251 dollars a year to house a federal prisoner in the United States. Fiscally responsible!

• Demand an Overarching Detention Policy: Foreign terrorists do not have the same rights as American citizens, nor do they have more rights than U.S. military personnel. We will work to ensure foreign terrorists, such as the 9/11 conspirators, are tried in military, not civilian, court. We will oppose all efforts to force our military, intelligence, and law enforcement personnel operating overseas to extend “Miranda Rights” to foreign terrorists.

The GOP, in their reverence for due process, seems to have forgotten the whole “innocent until proven guilty” part of how trials work. They’re not terrorists unless they are proved to be terrorists in a court of law. There have been hundreds of civilian terrorism convictions in civilian court since 9/11, the vast majority of which were secured by the Bush administration. There have been four military commissions convictions in the past decade, and they are currently facing legal challenges that may put past and future convictions in doubt. What Republicans are promising here isn’t just a departure from the prior administration, it would ensure that fewer terrorists are brought to justice. 

Moreover, this document gives the impression that military personnel are tried in “military commissions.” They’re not, they’re tried in courts-martial. Military commissions were invented out of whole cloth to give the government an edge in terrorism cases. Whomever wrote this document either doesn’t know the difference, or is lying, neither of which should inspire much confidence. 

Finally, law enforcement doesn’t “extend” Miranda rights to foreign terrorists. Anyone, regardless of citizenship, already has Miranda rights if they are apprehended on American soil, unless the public safety exception is invoked. Moreover, when the administration began offering to work with Republicans on legislation to “modify” Miranda, Republicans balked because they know this complaint is nonsense and they just want to be able to attack law enforcement for upholding the law whenever a terrorist suspect is arrested.

No, you see, it’s a return to the principles of our founding fathers, small government, reverence for the Constitution, blargh, blargh, blargh. 

How could it not be?  Tea Partiers wear tri-corner hats.  QED motherfucker.

From Woodward’s new book, Saint Petraeus explaining his foreign policy in Afghanistan (not sure if Obama was consulted, but does it really matter?):

Woodward quotes Petraeus as saying, “You have to recognize also that I don’t think you win this war. I think you keep fighting. It’s a little bit like Iraq, actually. . . . Yes, there has been enormous progress in Iraq. But there are still horrific attacks in Iraq, and you have to stay vigilant. You have to stay after it. This is the kind of fight we’re in for the rest of our lives and probably our kids’ lives.”

Winning is for quitters. 

Real men keep fighting.

Bonus Petraeus:

During a flight in May, after a glass of wine, Petraeus told his own staffers that the administration was “[expletive] with the wrong guy.”

This country is so fucked.

Your modern GOP:

Lifted from this guy’s twitter feed, on the beautiful coherence of the Teahadist movement:

It’s amusing that those guys use American independence mythology and imagery, yet use “anti-colonial” thinking as an insult?

Yeah, Obama’s supposed big sin is that he believes colonialism wasn’t so great.  As opposed to our ersatz founding fathers in tri-corner hat drag who think colonialism was swell.  Just like the real founding fathers!

Is there any doubt that these folks would have been the loyalists complaining about the liberals with their revolution talk way back when it counted?

Morans.

The following is from a National Federation of Republican Women’s meeting in Charleston, South Carolina.  I believe the guy in the middle is one of the heirs of MLK’s mission, reclaiming the mantle of the civil rights movement on behalf of real Americans. 

Also, a hopeless nostalgic:

nfrw-main.jpg nfrw-003.jpg

Ah, the good ol’ days.

(via)

Yes, yes, I know.  That’s the only MLK quote any conservative seems to know.

Tom T at his best.  With Roy Edroso showing up like he’s a co-star.

Via one of those LGM* guys.  Probably the French one.

Snowflake Snooki:

Book burning is antithetical to American ideals. People have a constitutional right to burn a Koran if they want to, but doing so is insensitive and an unnecessary provocation – much like building a mosque at Ground Zero.

Similarly, calling black people ni**ers is insensitive, much like black people moving in to your neighborhood.

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